How to Listen When Receiving Advice to Achieve Results

“We want to realize our dreams, yet, we make it difficult by not listening to others.” Jeannette Seibly

What you ignore is that there is a choice regarding ‘how’ you listen to advice! Jeannette Seibly

Many people love to give advice … solicited and unsolicited. But many people don’t enjoy receiving it, and even when the advice is valid, they fail to use it to improve their issues, situations, or relationships.

The problems with giving and receiving advice:

  • we are overconfident about our perspectives
  • we fail to define the true problem
  • we fear hearing what we don’t want to hear
  • we learn we are not committed to doing the “real” work required

When Jonathan accepted a job to work for a well-respected leader, he looked forward to it. But when he shared the successes of his first assignment, the leader gave unsolicited advice for future improvements. Jonathan felt offended. He’d wanted to impress the leader by succeeding without help or advice.

When he shared his upset with Julie, his coworker, she laughed. “Here’s the deal. You can listen to his advice and run with it. Or modify it. Or, give factual reasons it won’t work. Or, feel offended … and most likely fail. But I would recommend you listen to his advice with an open mind. We focus on delivering great results in this company. Sometimes you may need to put on extra armor like the rest of us when he gives advice … but his style isn’t going to change. And he’s usually right on! It’s always your choice on how you listen. But feeling offended won’t help you succeed in your career here or anywhere else.” 

As results-oriented leaders, your willingness to listen to advice is how your teams and you achieve results further and faster.

How to Listen When Receiving Advice

Set Aside Your Ego. If you remember nothing else from this article, set aside your ego. When you are open to advice, regardless of how it’s offered, you’ll succeed further and faster in your career. Then, stay humble when deciding whether or not to accept the advice, and don’t let your blind spots derail you.

Ask Questions. “Can you please clarify what you mean? I want to be sure I understand.” OR, “Can you show me an example?” Don’t be obtuse … listen and be open to learning. Then, thank them. Now, either take their advice, modify it, or discard it.

Be Coachable. Discuss the advice given with your mentor or executive coach. Even the most off-the-wall suggestion can make a positive difference, or not. It depends on how you listen. Remember, the recommendation could be the catalyst for your success, or it could be naysayers expressing their opinions based on their own experiences. Either way, the advice taken or discarded can become a future powerful story when offering guidance or counsel to others.

Set Aside Being Offended or Annoyed. Being offended is not for professional people. And, being annoyed is something you can train yourself to stop doing. Why? There is usually a gold nugget when you truly listen. But, of course, if someone is deliberately offensive, move on.

Be Prepared When Asking for Help. You’ve seen people overwhelmed when asking for advice on social media. Instead, talk with one or two trusted advisers (your executive coach or a mentor). First, share the problem in 20 words, briefly outline what has been done, then ask, “what’s missing?” Now listen without being defensive. Remember to take notes and take focused action!

Your ability to listen to advice, whether right on or not, will take you further and faster than going it alone. Jeannette Seibly

How to Give Advice that is More Likely to Be Heard

Ask First. Are they open to hearing advice from you? If not, move on. If you’re the boss, ask if you can provide insights into a challenging issue, situation, or relationship they are experiencing. They usually will say “yes” and are now more open to listening to you. If they say “no,” you may need to make an unpopular management decision if the challenge continues.

Limit It. Offer only one or two valid points. If you offer more, you’ll lose their willingness to listen or their ability to comprehend of lot of information. Either use the sandwich approach or the straight talk approach, depending on the person.

Do it 1:1. Use the old saying, “Praise publicly, offer constructive guidance privately.” Always.

Be Open to Taking Advice. When you are willing and open to taking advice, your ability to offer advice and guidance to others increases tenfold.

©Jeannette Seibly 2022 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning international executive and family business management consultant, keynote speaker, and author for over 29 years. Her focus is to guide leaders to make a positive difference. Feel stuck moving your team forward? Want straightforward counsel on how to do it? Let’s chat! Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A note from Jeannette about giving and receiving advice: If you are easily offended or annoyed when someone offers you advice, it’s time to reconsider how you listen. Successful leaders are open to receiving solicited and unsolicited advice. When doing this, they often move forward further and faster in their careers, in their projects, and in realizing their dreams. Have questions about how to listen when giving and receiving advice? Most do! Let’s chat now!

Are you asking the right job interview questions? When hiring new employees, ask about their ability to handle mistakes. Why? 90% of new hires fail because they dismiss coaching or advice about their poor interpersonal skills. Get your copy of the newly released, Hire Amazing Employees: How to Increase Retention, Revenues and Results! and suggested interview questions to get you started

How to Remove Elephants by Resolving Difficult Issues or Situations

“When you ignore the elephant in the room, you sabotage your team and their ability to produce great results.” Jeannette Seibly

When elephants are in the room, it means an obvious issue or situation is being avoided or ignored. While you may rely on the excuse, “if you ignore them, they’ll go away,” these elephants have a sneaky way of sticking around and sabotaging results — regardless of your feelings about their importance.

Team members quietly quit when unspoken issues or difficult situations are not vocalized and resolved. Usually, their reluctance to speak up is due to fears of personal or professional reprisals if they rock the boat. Or, the fear is due to not having the confidence, communication skills, or self-esteem to stay in the conversation when others don’t agree with them.

As the leader, it’s up to you to make the conversations safe and respectful and be committed to opening up the conversation to expose difficult issues or situations.  

Ironically, talking about these elephants clears the air, energizes the team, and produces unprecedented results. However, achieving these results requires straight talk and a willingness to stay focused on removing the elephant when it doesn’t want to readily lumber away!

How to Resolve Five Common Types of Elephants

When resistance is due to:

Overwhelm. Keep the conversation simple when the issue seems impossible or too big to handle. Use open-ended questions: “What is your experience with the new A/P system?” Allow others the opportunity to voice concerns without fear. Once everyone has had a chance to talk, brainstorm possible solutions. Now, create a focused action plan and speak directly with the person(s) that have the power to resolve it. Remember to stay focused on the solution, not personalities.

Egos. These can be the most difficult elephants to mitigate since egos involve executives’ sense of self-esteem and self-importance. Offer ideas in small pieces and let them choose which one to use since s/he ignores brainstorming. Then, give them credit when the idea succeeds, and offer one or two suggestions if it fails. Remember, the goal is to remove the negative impact on you and your team. As you gain the executives’ trust, you can have more effect.

Entrenchment. We’ve all heard the expression, “It’s the way we’ve always done it.” When team members offer ideas to resolve concerns, it’s essential to listen and learn and not take them personally. Set aside your ego as the leader, use critical thinking so that change isn’t for the sake of change, and manage the process to include everyone.

Bad Acts. If there is a claim of harassment or microaggression, or allegation of theft, it’s imperative to act responsibly now. Have a private conversation with your boss and human resources to determine how to proceed. This may mean letting a well-liked team member or coworker go. Remember, this elephant is negatively impacting others. And these observers are watching how you’ll handle the situation and are adjusting their work performance accordingly. Note: If you ignore this one, you’ll lose credibility, your team, clients, and your business.

Failure to Commit and Act. There are times when elephants have been addressed, but there is no change. Or the leader has agreed but fails to remove the elephant due to political reasons or is second-guessing their agreement. (Examples include continuing old hiring practices and resisting a needed strategic hiring system or asking a major financial contributor to stop smoking in a no-smoking office.) Get this resolved asap. Ask for help by talking with your executive coach for objective counsel. Stop hoping the elephant will eventually go away. Hope is not a strategy; elephants tend to stay too long when you avoid following through for win-win-win outcomes.

©Jeannette Seibly, 2011-2022

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning international executive and family business management consultant, keynote speaker, and author for over 29 years. Her focus is to guide leaders to make a positive difference. Feel stuck moving your team forward? Want straightforward counsel on how to do it? Let’s chat! Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A note from Jeannette about removing elephants and creating win-win-win outcomes: Is an elephant residing on your team? With your client? Or, in your company? The longer you wait to resolve difficult issues or situations, the more entrenched these elephants become. In the meantime, you lose essential ideas and solutions along with team members and clients. Have questions about how to identify “elephants” and resolve them? Most do! Let’s chat now!

When employees “quietly quit,” it is often due to you quickly hiring on instinct and then slowly firing for poor job skills. It’s time to develop a strategic selection system to improve how and whom you hire! Get your copy of the newly released, Hire Amazing Employees: How to Increase Retention, Revenues and Results!

We Hate Team Conflict, So Why Do We Allow It to Squash Team Results?

“If you want great team results, resolve issues as they arise. If you don’t, you risk alienating the team members that can get the job done!” Jeannette Seibly

“If you want to achieve anything in this world, you have to get used to the idea that not everyone will like you.” Simon Sinek

Many leaders focus solely on being liked and refuse to do anything that can disrupt that focus. Unfortunately, when it comes to team conflict, many of them behave like ostriches hoping it will disappear on its own! But! If not addressed, conflict doesn’t disappear and will squash team results!

If you’re hoping for team conflict to resolve itself, you’re in for a very long wait.” Jeannette Seibly

Even though resolving team conflict isn’t for the faint-hearted, it doesn’t need to be scary or impossible!

Keep in mind that managing team conflict (not trying to control it) requires having tough conversations, talking out different points of view, and encouraging critical thinking. While many leaders are not skilled in managing (or having) these types of conversations, these skills can be learned! It’s how new solutions are created, and teams excel! Plus, leaders become respected, confident, and liked.

How to Resolve Team Conflicts and Build Exceptional Results

  1. Be Intentional. Most team members attend meetings with the intention of “just getting through it.” However, as the leader, it’s up to you to listen, learn, and engage all team members in the process. Remember, you’re setting an example for team members to be heard and valued. Your intentional attitude minimizes conflicts and encourages everyone to get on the same page.
  2. Park Your Ego at the Door. Roll up your sleeves, admit to your mistakes, and don’t steamroll over issues! When inevitable issues arise, listen to team members’ rationale and guide them to build a solution that everyone can align with. Don’t rely on your leadership title as the deciding factor. Instead, the goal is to find common ground and ensure all concerns are addressed positively. This reduces the need for team members to take sides or engage in other disruptive behaviors.
  3. Set Up Your Team to Win. At the very beginning of a project or program, establish a clear goal, timeline, and budget. Define who the project or program is for (e.g., company-wide, department, customer, association, or community). Get buy-in from all team members. Naysayers should be excused from the team now, especially if they are your pal or BFF! Otherwise, you’ll squash opportunities for great team results while promoting team conflict!
  4. Ensure Everyone Has a Chance to Speak … especially if you fear dissension. Call on each and every team member, even if you don’t want to hear from them. Listen. Ask others for their thoughts. Encourage and value candor. Expecting team members to always agree with you only derails results while breeding team conflict and sabotaging progress.
  5. Encourage Brainstorming. This is a critical skill, often overlooked; instead of focusing on “busyness” as an excuse, brainstorm solutions. The process allows each team member to share insights and experiences without fear of others bashing their ideas. It saves time when done correctly, engages team members, and reduces team conflict.
  6. Don’t Take Sides. You’re the leader and need to keep an open mind. Be willing to have tough conversations and make difficult decisions while being diplomatic. While team conflict may erupt if they disagree with your decision, be prepared. Remind them you listened to both sides and give no more than three reasons for your decision.
  7. Ask for Help! Put aside your usual do-it-yourself approach. If you don’t, your team will feel muddled in avoidable turmoil. Hire a coach and talk with an internal company mentor. Take the coaching! When you learn and grow from these experiences, your team members will do the same. This approach resolves ongoing team conflict while getting to the heart of the issue.
  8. Learn and Master the Art of Working with Difficult Team Members. Instead of blaming them for problems, focus on their strengths and encourage their efforts in a positive manner. Your willingness to encourage everyone to excel reduces potential team conflict!

©Jeannette Seibly 2021-2022 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has guided the creation of three millionaires and countless 6-figure income professionals. As an award-winning international executive and family business management consultant, keynote speaker, and author for over 29 years, she guides others to make a positive difference. Feel stuck in a political work situation? Want clear advice on how to get out of it? Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A Note from Jeannette about resolving team conflict: We often become ostriches when there is team conflict. We put our heads in the sand and hope that the issue will resolve itself. It rarely does! With unresolved conflict, team members stop attending meetings, deadlines are missed, and customers are very unhappy. Team conflict can be prevented if you stand up and resolve it in the moment. Do you need a cheerleader or help getting your complex issues resolved? Let’s do it! Let’s Chat!

Have you mistakenly hired a team that loves conflict? This is a great way to lose customers! Improve your interviewing skills by grabbing your FREE copy of the best 16 Must-Read Tips for Productive Hiring Interviews.

Leaders Today Must Increase Trust to Reduce Workplace Stress

“Building trust as a leader requires a daily practice of mindful awareness.” Jeannette Seibly

Many leaders today are uncertain and confused by what they need to do to keep top talent.

The key is to be a trustworthy leader. When you are, you will reduce the workplace stress on your team members. They can trust you to not over-react to mistakes … be fair when handling conflict … and, support them in developing skills for their next job or career.

Employees in high-trust organizations are more productive, have more energy at work, collaborate better with their colleagues, and stay with their employers longer than people working at low-trust companies. They also suffer less chronic stress and are happier with their lives, and these factors fuel stronger performance. Harvard Business Review

How to Build Trust and Reduce Stress

  1. Have Compassion. Empathy, optimism, and understanding can go a long way towards building trust. Team members will know that you care by what you say and do. Remember, over-the-top optimism can backfire … be positive without becoming a Pollyanna.
  2. Develop Mindful Awareness. Subtle gestures, words, and tone of voice (aka microaggressions) can diminish trust fast! Hire an executive coach to guide you in developing a positive and diverse workplace culture.
  3. Build Credibility. Use brags, share acknowledgments, and encourage the self-promotion of team members. This encourages them to trust their successes and understand the impact they have on others. In turn, they will trust your leadership.
  4. Self-Care. Take care of yourself. This may be the one area that is most often overlooked. When you take care of yourself, you set a positive tone for team members to develop trust in you as their leader. In turn, the team will relax, take better care of themselves, and create a health-focused workplace culture.
  5. Talk Straight. Conversations that make a positive difference are focused on feedback needed to achieve objectives and results.  Listen! Ask questions! Get them talking! These conversations are also “trust-building” opportunities to show that you are “there for them!”
  6. Walk the Talk. Practice doing what you say. If you’re a stickler for having team members arrive at meetings on time and prepared, you need to do so too.
  7. Be Fearless. Resolve conflicts or poor teamwork habits NOW. Your team members are watching to see if and how you’ll resolve these workplace saboteurs. How you handle these situations will either calm their stress levels or have them send out resumes.

©Jeannette Seibly 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has guided the creation of three millionaires and countless 6-figure income professionals for almost 30 years. Her brags include being an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker. Recently, she became an Amazon Bestselling author of her first novel, The Old Wooden Rocker. Have questions? Need a speaker or facilitator? Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A Note from Jeannette about becoming a trustworthy leader. Trust is more important today than ever. If you’re a trusted leader, then team members’ stress levels will be low. But you need to develop “trust” over time and do the right things the right way each time. If you don’t, trust will disappear. Are you uncertain how to get started? Contact me for a confidential conversation.

Do You Know How to Listen to Succeed?

“Misunderstandings, bad decisions, and team conflict create poor results. Avoid them by simply listening!” Jeannette Seibly

Most people would say, “Sure, I listen if …”

  • It’s something that interests me.
  • The speaker is engaging.
  • The boss is saying something that I need to hear.

But listening selectively doesn’t work.

Poor listening skills are the #1 reason for poor communication today! It impacts everything, everywhere in our lives, careers, and businesses…and leads to poor results.

There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak. Simon Sinek

You’re not listening when you are …

  • Engaging with the internal chatter in your head
  • Multi-tasking
  • Thinking about other things to do
  • Replaying old upsets (Hint: listening can resolve them)
  • Creating a new job and not engaged in the one you have

The costs of not listening are many. A select few include:

  • Teamwork and comradery are lost
  • New ideas and opportunities are missed
  • Logical discernment and cost-saving processes are overlooked
  • Trust — people feeling valued and respected disappears

8 Tips to Improve Your Listening and Your Results

1. Set Aside Your Ego. It’s the #1 reason you don’t listen. You believe you know-it-all or have already heard it! The truth is, you haven’t. Stop finishing people’s sentences or ideas. Not only is this rude, but you’re also usually incorrect. When your team does not speak up to correct you…you lose time and cost-saving ideas.

Max was a CFO for a large company. He had an uncanny ability to listen and sought out others’ ideas and opinions before making decisions. He didn’t just rely on executives’ opinions, he talked with others that would be impacted too. As a result, his decisions were better accepted and easier to implement. He’d learned the value of listening early in his career and believed it built trust. He was right!

2. Deep Dive. Hearing a tidbit of info and expanding and expounding on it isn’t listening. It’s your ego at work … and often it can be wrong. Listening and asking questions are part of developing critical thinking skills.

3. Stop the Internal Chatter. You have an internal chatterbox. (We all do!) It operates full-time every day, and many times keeps you awake at night too. Learn to meditate and disengage from mental chatter. Now, use these skills for listening.

4. Be Present. Focus and concentrate in the moment when interacting with others. This simple, but rarely used, listening practice makes all experiences more authentic and meaningful. Bonus … others will feel and see the difference too!

5. Set Aside Your Point of View. Set aside mental ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ about the person, task, or situation. This gets in the way of listening and hearing more than the words said. The creation of new ideas begins by listening and engaging in “Tell me more.”

Sabrina, a project manager had tons of experience and so she didn’t listen to anyone that didn’t agree with her. She said, “no” more than, “Tell me more.” As a result, she lost the trust of her team. They felt disrespected. In turn, they only did the work necessary making it difficult for Sabrina to execute customer projects. They also blamed her for not listening to them whenever something went wrong.

6. Don’t Shoot the Messenger. This metaphoric phrase is used to blame the bearer of bad news. (Wikipedia) Be willing to hear what you don’t want to hear. This. Is. Critical. (Yes, it’s hard, but worth the effort.) It will improve your results, save time and money, and have others feel respected. Also, it will save your job and career.

7. Show Me. Many people are not confident when sharing their concerns. They’ve learned that others don’t want to listen. So, if you’re not clear, don’t dismiss their concerns as unimportant. Instead, say, “Show me the concern.” Have the person physically show you from start to finish to ensure clarity.

8. Stop Multi-tasking. Everyone believes they are the exception to the rule and think they know how to multitask and listen at the same time. They don’t! This egocentric habit (lots of us have it) gets in the way of listening and paying attention to the details. When people need to repeat what they have already said, they don’t feel valued or respected. When you truly listen, it saves time and builds trust in you since you actually heard them!

Becky had a habit of sitting through “boring” meetings thumbing through her social media posts and texts. As a result, she missed her boss’s announcement about meeting with executive management. She didn’t show up prepared with the required 3-minute PPT and she attempted to wing-it. When asked by her boss why she didn’t come prepared, she said, “I’m too busy putting out fires.” His response was, “If you learned to listen, you wouldn’t have so many fires to extinguish.”

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. During the past 29 years, she has guided the creation of three millionaires and countless 6-figure income professionals. Her brags also include being an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker. If you’re struggling to get unstuck, now is a great time to contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A note from Jeannette about listening to succeed. The #1 communication skill overlooked today is listening! We are too focused on standing up and speaking up and forget to listen first! Contact me about providing the workshop, Everyone Is Talking, But No One Is Listening! for you and your leaders.

Want to Become Authentic? It Starts with Self-Awareness

“It takes courage to become who you authentically are and have others listen.” Jeannette Seibly

Being a chameleon or politically correct has its benefits. But so does being authentic and self-expressed. Both can bolster career and promotion aspirations. Both can also limit achieving these very same goals!

“… authenticity means you’re true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you’re under to act otherwise.” (MindTools.com)

Self-awareness is when you’re being honest with yourself and others. Most importantly, you take responsibility for what you say and do, and the impact that it has on others.

7 Reasons You May Struggle with Authenticity:

You…

  1. Need to be part of the team
  2. Fear judgment or ridicule
  3. Suppress insights and ideas, even when they are correct
  4. Are unwilling to admit a blunder or mistake
  5. Dismiss emotional feelings with rational excuses
  6. Seek others’ approval as more important than your own values
  7. Fall victim to socially approved qualities that are not your own (e.g., extrovert v introvert; agreeable v being self-focused, etc.) (ScientificAmerican.com)

As a leader, right now your team (and your career) need your authenticity more than ever. But to be successful, you must also develop a strong self-awareness so that your authenticity creates a positive difference.

10 Tips to Develop Authenticity and Self-Awareness

1. Stop Worrying About What Everyone Else Thinks. (Yes, it’s easier said than done.) Worrying is an excuse for you to hide out and justify why you’re not sharing your ideas and experiences. When you recognize this, stop. Ask yourself, “What is my true commitment to this project and team?’ Now act authentically.

Richard worried about rocking the boat with a new idea since he was new on the team. So, he stayed silent. After the team failed to deliver the results to the customer, Richard shared his idea with his boss. His boss coached him to practice sharing his ideas in the mirror … this would help him set aside his fears and feel comfortable speaking up at team meetings.

2. Set Aside Your Ego. Dial-up your humbleness and dial down the ego when authentically sharing ideas and insights. It makes it easier for others to hear you.

3. Learn the Basics…It’s Time Well-Spent. When you learn the basics in your job, you will build inner confidence and self-expression that helps you create bold win-win-win outcomes.

4. Listen and Learn to Expand Your Beliefs. Confident people are open to listening to others’ ideas and opinions. It’s a great opportunity to stretch limitations without sacrificing your personal and professional values…or authenticity.

5. Take Responsibility for Mistakes by Apologizing. Say, “My apologies.” OR “I’m sorry.” These simple phrases when said authentically help build positive relationships.

6. Forgive and Love Yourself. When you’ve made an error in judgment, a mistake, or a blunder, it’s important to forgive yourself. The key is, what are you doing to “own it” and “make it right?”

7. Listen to Your Feelings. This is a slippery slope. Feelings and logic are both important when making decisions, but are not the same as intuition or gut reactions. Learn the difference. If it doesn’t “feel” right, keep looking for the “why.” It helps you reduce your biases and expand your beliefs.

Joan wanted to build a strong relationship with a new group of businesswomen. While she was self-expressed, her judgmental feelings about members got in the way of developing alliances. She relied on her feelings, calling them ‘intuition.’ These feelings stopped her from being part of the group.

8. Brag or Self-Promotion. Standing up and speaking up is important. But do so in a respectful manner. Also, share your own achievements in a way that guides others to pursue their dreams. Pretending you’re not proud of your achievements is being inauthentic.

9. Be Present. Focus and concentrate in the moment when interacting with others, completing tasks, and engaging in other activities. This simple, but rarely used, practice makes all experiences more authentic and meaningful … others will feel and see the difference too!

10. Develop the Self-Respect and Courage to Do the Right Things the Right Way. Ask for help and accept it. Be a parrot and repeat yourself when people don’t understand the issue after you have reviewed your concerns with your coach.

Jon was concerned about Tom’s decision and shared this with him. But Tom dismissed the concerns as being important. So, Jon spoke with his coach to develop a better way of sharing the impact of Tom’s decision before talking with him again. Tom listened and replied, “I appreciate you speaking up. It takes courage and a positive belief in yourself.” 

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about developing your authenticity and being self-aware.  Being authentic starts with self-awareness of what you say and do and its impact on others! As a leader, right now your team (and career) need your authenticity more than ever. But to be successful, you must also develop a strong self-awareness so that your authenticity creates a positive difference for yourself and others. Need help to discover your authenticity? Contact me for a confidential conversation.

Do You Have Problems Working with Authority Figures?

“If you want to get ahead in your career, you must learn to listen to and work well with your boss.” Jeannette Seibly

Do you:

  • Ignore advice and only argue for your point-of-view?
  • Do it anyway when your boss or board says, “No?”
  • Have a team that bickers a lot?
  • Deny having authority issues and place blame for mistakes on your boss?
  • Look for approval from your boss and seldom get it?

Can you imagine NFL team players thumbing their nose at the coach when told to adopt a new game strategy? I cannot either.

Yet, many times, business leaders fail to work well with authority figures! They believe they know how things should work and fail to listen to sage advice. This mindset costs them valuable time, money, and energy that could have been better used for business growth.

7 Tips to Improve Effective Working Relationships  

  1. Recognize You Have a Problem. “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” (Dr. Phil) When you cringe because someone sounds like your mom, dad, or teacher, you have a trigger. Heal the relationship with your parent(s) and you will go further faster as a leader.
  2. Positively Handle Feedback and Criticism. Many times, when you get triggered, it has nothing to do with the feedback. It’s an automatic reaction from your ego saying, “Don’t talk to me that way.” Breathe. Put your feelings into words. Learn to ask questions for clarification. If you truly listen, you will find your boss’s insights (or someone else’s) were “right on.”
  3. Encourage Brainstorming and Listening to New Ideas. When you or your team know-it-all and rely on past solutions, you will fail to get to the core issue. Be open to listening to others…it saves time and money while creating viable solutions.
  4. Resolve Conflict Before It Diminishes Your Results. Authority avoidance leaders create lots conflicts. They have poor communication styles and work ethics, making it difficult for team members to succeed. Remember, successful leaders have coaches to help them resolve conflicts before they are no longer manageable.
  5. Learn to Delegate. If you want to achieve true leadership, you must stop doing it yourself! To expand your business, sales results, and influence with your team, create a team that is resilient, reliable, and resourceful. That starts with your willingness to listen and work well with your boss, board, team, and customers.
  6. Get Over, “Do It My Way.” Life is not about doing everything “your way.” Yet, there are many stories on social media about DIYers. It takes maturity and experience to work well with your team, customers, business, and bottom line. You will make mistakes. But your ability to learn from those mistakes and seek counsel will improve your results.
  7. Take a Good Long Look in the Mirror. If you are a leader that acts as a lone ranger, be aware your team members will mimic you! While you may believe this is OK, at some point, it will create irrevocable issues at the wrong time! Learn to be coachable and understand there are other workable ways to get the best results.

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about being an authority avoidance leader. Everyone has a boss, board, team, and/or customers that provide feedback and criticism. Failure to listen and learn will sideline your career. Take the time to develop effective working relationships, be coachable, and take feedback, while learning from your mistakes. If this sounds too difficult, contact me for a confidential conversation.

Healthy Conflict Supports Collaboration When Done Right

Many times, when there is conflict or disagreements, we view the other team members as enemies. Then, most team members will take sides, while others will want to remain neutral. Regardless, viewing others as a friend or foe impedes collaborative actions since the focus is no longer on win-win-win results.

The added challenge is, when there is conflict, many people get fearful. They do the “ostrich approach” and stick their heads in the sand. They hope for the best since they don’t have the confidence or skills to impact the conflict. They also fear the impact the conflict will have on future job opportunities.

Conflict and collaboration impact the results of any project. They also impact the effectiveness of the team. While avoiding conflict limits your effectiveness as a leader, failure to build collaboration limits your team’s results. It also hurts your future career opportunities.

7 Tips to Improve Collaboration

  1. Set the Right Example. It’s OK to disagree and have differing ideas, values, and experiences! This awareness is key so that you and your team members don’t overreact or stop listening. The key is to listen and be open to hearing others’ points of view. As the leader, it starts with you setting the right example and expecting your team members to do the same.
  2. Brainstorm. It isn’t hard when done right. When brainstorming ideas, list ALL ideas from each and every team member. If there are concerns, ask questions for clarification, not for debate.
  3. Ensure Everyone Speaks. Call on each person for his/her perspective and ideas. Allow them to “pass” if they don’t want to share at that time. Again, ask each team member until there are no new ideas offered. Go around the team at least 2 times after new ideas have stopped to ensure no one is hiding out.
  4. Respect Each Team Member. Remember, it’s OK to not agree with others. Conflicts arise, along with voices when people do not feel heard. Get the training necessary for you and your team to feel heard. As the leader, set the example of listening while valuing and respecting each and every team member’s perspective and ideas. Remember, off-the-wall or silly ideas can spark the right ones!
  5. Stop Multi-Tasking. Have everyone leave their electronic devices and other distractions at the door. If on a remote call, remind them to shut down other programs and minimize distractions. It’s important to remember when we truly listen new ideas get generated.
  6. Address the Fear as It Arises. Regardless of all the team training, some team members will get fearful during conflicts. Fear is contagious. As the leader, it’s up to you to learn how to recognize and manage it now. Work with your executive coach to develop a mindful resilience for yourself, which inspires team members to do the same.
  7. Align for Better Results. Many companies rely on 100% consensus as their way of resolving conflicts. However, it’s a poor strategy. The hoping and waiting costs time, money, and customers! It also breeds silos and distrust. Instead, align by agreeing on the best plan for right now. Understand how it will impact the company tomorrow. Then, put together a strategy to move forward.

©Jeannette Seibly 2020

Jeannette Seibly is an award-winning executive coach and keynote speaker. For more than 27 years, she has been an expert in guiding leaders to excel in business and beyond.  Need help developing you and your team to achieve better results?  Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. Don’t forget to listen toOn the Air with Jeannette Seibly: It’s Your Time for Success on Anchor.FM or YouTube.com.

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3 Bad Habits You Need to Break to Be a Confident Leader

 

Leaders today are facing new challenges. Remember, it’s important to build true confidence in yourself and others during this time.

Building your confidence today and inspiring confidence in your team is critical! And, given what’s going on in the world, it’s even more important now.

What inevitably gets in the way of being a confident leader? Your bad habits.

Due to all of the uncertainty, as a leader, you are under more pressure than ever before. Now, is when your leadership habits…the good, not-so-good, and bad…can either support you and your team achieving great results or not.

It’s Critical You Breakthrough These 3 Bad Habits

  1. Poor Listening Skills. This #1 bad habit will sabotage your results!   

A leader had a bad habit of checking his emails and texts during meetings. He insisted he was only multitasking and could hear everything being said. He failed to understand the human brain is wired for one activity at a time. (Multi-tasking is a myth!) It wasn’t until he missed hearing critical information that he learned this lesson the hard way. Even after the team member repeated himself, he failed to understand or question the significance of it. As a result, the budget was exceeded and timeline was missed.

Always listen as though your results (and career) depend on it…because they do!

  • Lack of Awareness. One leader constantly found fault with how others did their work. He thought he could do it better and faster. The truth was, he didn’t have the skills to do their jobs. He lacked the awareness of the impact of his comments and did not understand these comments disengaged his team and hurt productivity.  

When someone fails to achieve the required results, it’s time to inspire confidence in your team members, not criticize their work habits. Remember, during this crisis, it’s NOT business as usual.

During ALL conversations stay present and aware:

  • State the intended goal or results in 10 words or less.
  • Listen to each team member’s input and concerns.
  • Work through any push-backs in a win-win manner (think, ethical considerations, workability, impact on others, etc.).
  • Align on the work and completion dates with your team to meet your client’s needs.
  • Provide necessary resources. Remember, working from home is not the same as working from the office.  

Your awareness determines the quality and timeliness of your team’s results.

  • Know-It-All Attitude. A new leader was a micromanager, a common trait of inexperienced leaders. She wanted everything done exactly as she thought it should be done. Whenever a mistake was made, instead of taking responsibility, she blamed her team (and others) for making her feel humiliated and for letting her down.

To break this bad habit, listen to your team members’ ideas. They are working on the front lines and can be resourceful when encouraged to do so. Also, listen from compassion since they are experiencing a lot of frustration, stress, and anxiety during these uncertain times. It’s up to you to inspire confidence in them!

Building true confidence in yourself and others starts inside you.

Remember, bad habits are amplified during a crisis. They will come out and be displayed in unexpected and unwanted ways. Work with an executive coach NOW to effectively navigate through these uncertain times. It’s the mark of a confident leader who inspires confident team members!

©Jeannette Seibly, 2012-2020

Jeannette Seibly is an award-winning dynamic results coach and keynote speaker. For the past 27 years, she has guided the creation of leaders to excel in achieving results. Contact Jeannette today for straight talk with dynamic results. Don’t forget to listen to her podcasts on Anchor.FM or YouTube.com.

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Mindful Resilience is Required to be a Successful Leader

Life.Should.2Note: This is a reprint, originally posted on June 23, 2020. Last week I conducted a Mindful Resilience webinar for the Denver Financial Professionals. Participants shared: “This is very helpful…I love it…Thank you.” Due to so many changes occurring right now in the workplace and in life, I would recommend reviewing the 6 Tips.

What can you do to handle your emotional triggers while eliciting the best from others?

We are all triggered by certain words, facial expressions, and gestures. As successful, resilient leaders, we don’t have the luxury of hanging onto our upsets.

Mindful resilience is when we develop a conscious awareness of our triggers and address our reactions in a positive manner. It’s starts with you, as the leader, taking responsibility for your triggers when they occur so they don’t get in the way. Remember, clarity of what triggered your reactions is required before you can create win-win-win outcomes.

6 Tips to Create Mindful Resilience

Breathe. Remember, everyone gets triggered. The moment you notice you are triggered, breathe in for 5 counts. Pause. Exhale for 10 counts. Repeat this practice 3 times. Why should you practice breathing? Breathing reduces the fight, flight, or freeze stress response triggered in your brain. Breathing allows you to take responsibility for your reactions (aka triggers) and is critical before attempting to resolve any issue.

Have Come-Down-to-Reality Conversations. Team members can hold onto upsets and use them to justify their poor job performance. That’s why you, as the leader, need to be aware of when these upsets are brewing and take responsibility for resolving them before they turn into a major issue. Remember to use straight talk with compassion during these tough conversations.

Get to the Heart or Core of the Problem. When you as a leader inadvertently dis someone or ignore a festering issue, upsets will be covertly expressed. It’s like a mole hill expanding into a mountain. Remember, you are human and you will make mistakes! So, will everyone else. Instead of allowing your ego to justify your actions, ask and clarify what happened with your team member or team, then, talk it out. If you don’t, the upset will become an irreversible issue that overshadows the core problem.

Be Responsible for Your Communication Style (most people aren’t)! When you use words or terminology that others don’t understand, apologize. Start over by asking questions and be curious about their responses. It’s very easy to lose people when you present the same information over and over (think, you’re probably bored). Also, when you’re presenting a new idea you’ve been thinking about for a while, remember, it’s the first time they’ve heard it. Keep in mind, people learn at different rates of speed. Be prepared to draw a graph or show them a specific example. Remember, as a leader, it’s your responsibility to slow down and get everyone on the same page.

Learn How to Forgive, Even When You Don’t Believe You Should. As a leader, you will have arrows aimed at you when team members feel frustrated or upset. But you don’t have the luxury of hanging onto these insults without them impacting your mindset and success as a leader. Forgive those that gossip, criticize, or blame you. While this is easier said than done, remember, forgiveness is for you. Remember, you don’t to say, “I forgive you” to the offender to forgive them. If you do, it may make it worse.

Hire the Right Coach. Mindful resilience requires you to expand your POV. When a sticky situation or political relationship is not going well, talk immediately with your executive coach. Listen and learn. You can make things worse and sideline your career if you attempt to do it on your own.

©Jeannette Seibly 2020

Jeannette Seibly is an award-winning executive coach and keynote speaker.  For more than 27 years, she has been an expert in guiding leaders to excel at working through difficult situations and political relationships. Contact Jeannette to improve your strategic hiring, coaching, training, and managing processes.  Don’t forget to listen to her podcasts on Anchor.FM or YouTube.com.

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