When you become a leader, it exposes who is genuinely for you and who only supported you when you stayed at their level. Some friends will celebrate you. Others will criticize, distance themselves, or resent your success.
Years ago, my employer offered an education reimbursement program that I took advantage of and got my Master’s Degree. Then, I stepped into stepped into a new leadership role. When I hosted a celebration several friends who attended told me about another friend who wasn’t there. The absentee friend had told everyone, “She doesn’t deserve success since the company paid for the degree.”
That moment made something very clear to me: not everyone adjusts well when you are successful.
Supportive friends don’t compete with you, punish you for succeeding, or demand insider information. They respect boundaries and your new responsibilities. They help you celebrate and get your brag on!
As the new leader, keeping and building relationships is important. It’s a major part of your new job.
With friends, you’ll need to:
- Shift what you share and talk about
- Maintain connection outside work
- Protect confidentiality and ethics
- Avoid talking about work the way you used to
- You’ll need to keep supportive friends who stay in your life with the new rules
How to Handle Friends Who Unfriend You (or Quietly Pull Away)
Some so-called friends will resent your promotion, question your worthiness, or feel threatened. There will always be naysayers. Others may feel you’ve changed. While you may deny you’ve changed and believe it’s just a new job title, keep in mind: You will need to grow and transform with your new leadership opportunity … so change is inevitable.
When friends unfriend you:
- Accept the shift instead of chasing them
- Don’t defend your promotion or justify your success
- Don’t internalize their jealousy or insecurity
- Stay factual and professional if their criticism spills into the workplace
Remember, you did the work. It may be time to get new friends
Friends You May Need to Unfriend
Friends who rely on external accolades and put you at the mercy of others’ opinions are the ones to release. These types of friendships become liabilities when you become a leader, especially when they:
- Expect favoritism
- Demand insider information
- Pressure you to take their side
- Gossip or undermine your credibility
- Disagree with company politics and expect you to change it
- Make inappropriate comments at your expense
- Violate ethics or ask you to overlook their behavior
Remember, if you support a friend who has violated ethical issues, management will no longer trust you to do the right things. This can be career-killing now and in the future.
Also, when a friend becomes toxic or misaligned with your new responsibilities, you may need to step back or walk away entirely. Clinging to old friendships will cause you to lose authority.
How to Handle Your New Role and Your Friends
Lead with boundaries since you are now “company management.”
- Don’t share confidential information
- Don’t play favorites
- Don’t let old loyalties compromise fairness or achieving the intended results
Have the tough conversations by initiating conversations and stop waiting for your “friend” to do so.
- Don’t ghost them or ignore them
- Meet outside work
- Outline what topics are allowed, then, honor that boundary
- Keep it personal, not professional
- Don’t become their coach, instead remain their friend
Don’t be afraid to let go and move on when a “friend:”
- Resents you
- Gossips about you
- Pressures you
- Undermines you
- Cannot handle your new authority
- Abuses your friendship (“She’ll tell me… we’re good friends.”)
Moving on will require new friends. Join professional and trade groups. Meet 1:1 with others since it is a great way to develop and build new relationships. This process will lessen the emotional need to hang on to old friendships that have moved on without you.
Leadership changes relationships. Some friends rise with you. Some fall away. Some you must release to protect your credibility, ethics, and authority.
As you move forward, get the advice and support you need. Hire an executive coach. This is critical because leaders are responsible for building and maintaining relationships. The right coach provides clarity, confidence, and guidance as you navigate new expectations, shift relationships (including friendships), and accept the realities of leadership.
Note: When your friend receives a new job, be sure to:
- Congratulate your friend when something good happens
- Not hold a grudge
- Remember, life is not a competition
©Jeannette Seibly 2026 All Rights Reserved
Jeannette Seibly is a Talent Advisor, Leadership Results Coach, and Business Author with over 33 years of experience guiding people to empower themselves, transforming workplaces into places that work, and shaping leaders who truly lead.
If you’re ready to strengthen your leadership and develop and build new and strong relationships with confidence, contact me. Let’s talk about your next steps.