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How to Ask for Help and Not Feel Weak When You Do

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“Deep down inside each of us is a fear that ‘we’re not good enough.’ We overcome this fear by asking for help and discover, ‘we are good enough.’” Jeannette Seibly

“Asking for help is indeed not a weakness. It’s super powerful to understand when to ask.” Simon Sinek

Do you know how to ask for the help you need? Many would say, “sometimes.”

You’re not alone. No matter where you are in your career, understand all current and future leaders have the same fear and confusion. “When is the right time to ask for help?” and “How do I ask for help and not feel weak?”

The issue is, you, and many others, subscribe to the saying, “If they need help, they’ll ask.” But this is seldom true. That’s why your boss or project manager seldom asks you, “How can I help you?” They are waiting for you to ask or fear being labeled a micromanager. Either way, making assumptions doesn’t work.

When a project is late, you have a dissatisfied customer, or the boss keeps making changes, it’s time to ask for help! It’s time to stop the do-it-yourself thoughts. Otherwise, you risk poor work quality, team conflict, and team members watching from the sidelines. This bad habit will cost you future career opportunities.

Susan, a long-time project manager, knew from experience how to get the customer’s project done. She’d achieved great bragging rights. But refused to ask for her team’s help in building on past results. She didn’t trust their insights and experience. Even when team members would ask, “How can I/we help?” she ignored their questions and did it her way. But when the customer complained that Susan wasn’t listening, her boss interceded. “You need to delegate and allow others to help. If you don’t know the answer, don’t dismiss that it was unimportant. Ask the team for help! Otherwise, I’ll replace you with someone open to asking for help and accepting it.” Susan felt unappreciated after that meeting and quit her job the next day.

She failed to see the lost opportunity for leadership growth by asking for and accepting help.

Six Tips to Ask for Help and Feel Confident

1. Set Aside Your Ego. This is critical. If you’re unwilling to ask for help and listen to someone’s ideas, you will lose out on new ways to get the results that work for you and/or your project. For example, “But this is the way I was told it must be done at a recent workshop.” This is what it looks like when your ego takes over.

2. Don’t Wait Too Long or Until You’re Stuck. The sooner you anticipate needing help the better. It’s harder to ask for help once you’ve sabotaged yourself (usually unintentionally) and created a lot of excuses that now feel like facts. For example, “It’s due to the economy and COVID. Otherwise, I’d have gotten that promotion and pay increase by now.” Clearly, this person waited too long and failed to ask for help.

3. Don’t Wait for Clarity. (It seems counter-intuitive.) Instead, ask a person that is not a member of your team to act as an independent reviewer. Ask for their insights and take notes. This is NOT the time to defend and protect your own ideas of how you believe things should be done.

Share in concise statements:

  1. Goal of project or issue
  2. What has been done to-date
  3. What is slated for the future

Then, ask for help: “What do you see is missing?”

4. Be Coachable. Listen and learn from the “coach” or “mentor.” Don’t defend beliefs that can sabotage your success.

Recently an author told me that bragging was nonsense to her. She had a lot of experience and didn’t have time or the need to learn how to brag. Yet, marketing her book and self-promotion is paramount to selling copies! Instead of being coachable, she kept repeating, “I don’t see the value and I’m too busy.” Even after others chimed in, she refused their help to overcome a self-limiting belief of promoting herself for success.

5. Make Asking for Help a Habit. It helps you produce results faster and easier each time. It also helps you grow professionally and become a recognized leader when you are being coachable. For example, acting like you have it all handled, and failing to ask for help or ignoring help will derail your career.

6. Make Your Requests for Help Clear and Concise. Allow for the team member to say, “yes” or “no.” Also, include other’s ideas to make the “yes” work for everyone.

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about asking for help. Asking for help is a skill everyone needs to develop to achieve desired results. If you don’t develop this habit, you will risk losing out on good ideas, intended cost-effective results, and credibility. Do you fear looking weak when you ask for help? Do you want to become successful as a leader? If you do, it’s critical to develop the habit of asking for the help you need. Ask for help now … contact me for a confidential conversation.

How to Improve Hiring Results Using Job Fit Assessments

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“Using the right job fit assessment can improve your hiring, coaching, training, and managing results…and your own career opportunities!” Jeannette Seibly

It’s been a difficult year for most hiring managers. Ghosting has become the norm and qualified job candidates overlook employers due to a myriad of reasons. One of the critical reasons is how employers select and use ‘job fit’ assessments during the hiring process. Right now, with so much competition, it’s more important than ever to improve your hiring results.

Q4 is fast approaching. Let’s get real and learn how to use “job fit” assessments to improve your hiring results.

First … What is Job Fit?

The most effective job fit assessment measures learning style, core behavioral traits, and occupational interests. The right assessment goes beyond the resume, application, interview, reference checks, education, work experience, and background checks.

It can also create a diverse workforce that has the key skills required to improve your hiring and business results.

It answers three important questions:

  • Can the person do the job?
  • Will the person do the job?
  • Can the person do the job successfully here?

7 Tips to Use Job Fit Assessments to Improve Results

Think Outside the Box. It’s critical to know what you’re looking for. The problem is too many are dusting off job postings and reposting! Not updating your job posting it’s crazy with all the changes that have occurred due to the pandemic. Get real: Take the time to brainstorm the results you’d like to achieve with the position. Then, add a job title and positive opportunities to entice them! Now, you’re ready to use a job fit assessment!

Select the Right Qualified Job Fit Assessment. Every assessment sales rep will tell you their assessment is the right one!* Of the 3,000+ publishers in the market today, most do not meet pre-employment requirements. Get real: Review their technical manual and compare it with the Department of Labor guidelines for pre-employment tests. Pay close attention to the number of people in the study, and the predictive validity and reliability of the results. The higher the numbers the better the hiring results.

*NOTE: While many test vendors market their tests as validated, just because the vendor says the test was validated, [this] does not mean that the test’s validation will in fact comply with the Uniform Guidelines.” (Source) Alissa Horvitz, Attorney, Roffman mentioned in June, 2016 SHRM article)

Create a Job Fit Pattern. Every qualified job fit assessment has a job fit pattern to help you determine the best fit for the job. Get real. To set up a job fit pattern, conduct a study of current talent that you’d like to hire more of OR create a new job fit pattern using a job analysis survey. This process saves time, money, and a lot of energy pre- and post-hire. If you’ve ever hired a sales rep that said all the right things, but couldn’t sell your products and services, you know the value of a good job fit pattern.

Couple Job Fit Assessment with an Honesty/Integrity Assessment. Using an honesty/integrity assessment along with a job fit assessment makes good business sense. Get real: Job fit tools have a “distortion indicator,” but do not assess for good work ethic and integrity. Qualified honesty/integrity assessments go beyond public records when conducting background checks and can reduce WC, UEC, and turnover costs.

Assess for Skills. The purpose of a skill assessment is to avoid surprises when the applicant states they have the skills required. Use these tools after assessing for job fit. Get real: Use skill assessments to determine the skill level the applicant currently has. When the person is hired, plan to provide online workshops, mentors, and coaches to improve these skill levels where needed.

Don’t Shortcut the Procedure! This happens way too often when someone says all the right things and your ‘spidey-sense’ says, “This is the one.” Then, the candidate is rushed through bypassing your company’s procedures. The problem? The candidate is rarely the right one! Get real. Train all hiring managers to follow the system and read the job fit assessment reports. Ask ALL the interview questions in the selection report for the job fit assessment. It will improve the interview and hiring results.

Don’t Overlook Challenge Areas! Many hiring managers have been embarrassed after hiring the candidate only to find the job fit assessment report indicated challenge areas. Examples include prospecting, closing, working well with a team, etc. Get real. Read the full report. Yes, read the full report! If you don’t, you will miss critical information. Remember, you cannot fix and change a person, no matter what they tell you in the interview!

Qualified job fit assessments provide in-depth insight into the whole person and their fit with the job. Choosing the most effective job fit assessment will make your job as the hiring manager much easier to attract qualified diverse talent and improve hiring results.

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about improving hiring success using job fit assessments. Why should you care about job fit? Qualified job fit assessments provide in-depth insight into the whole person and their fit with the job. Choosing the most effective job fit assessment will make your job as the hiring manager much easier to attract qualified diverse talent and improve hiring results.  Contact me for a confidential conversation on how to streamline the process for success.

 

How to Work with an Incompetent Project Manager

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“When working with an incompetent, but well-liked project manager, you must set aside your ego, or your career will be damaged.” Jeannette Seibly

Working with an incompetent project manager is difficult at best. They can sabotage your efforts while costing everyone time and money. And, this can happen whether you’re working with a PM in your company, or volunteering to work on a community project with an incompetent PM.

Many times, the project manager’s incompetence is due to a lack of self-awareness and failure to understand the impact they have on others. They insist everything is done their way; even, when their way doesn’t work! The primary reason they are incompetent is they never learned “how” to work with a team. And, they are often resentful if you know a better way to get results.

The difficult challenge is when the PM is well-liked and has positive notoriety or a great reputation. So…it’s up to you to learn how to work with them…they don’t have to learn to work well with you!

One volunteer offered to help a not-for-profit leader work on a committee for their biggest money-maker of the year. The leader was well-liked, donated a lot of money, and had a good reputation in the community. The problem? She was an incompetent project manager. She insisted on doing everything herself and didn’t know how to delegate. When the volunteer asked, “What can I do?”, she ignored his offers. But when she failed to get the job done, she didn’t hesitate to blame him at a group meeting for not doing his share.

Remember, even though it might be easier for you to take over the PM role to get the job done, that person’s popularity and ego can hurt you and your future career opportunities when not handled with a lot of diplomacy.

5 Tips to Work Well with Incompetent Project Managers and Keep Your Job

Diplomacy. This is the #1 skill to develop and use rigorously. Being right or egotistical or gossiping about the incompetency of the PM will not get the job done. And, if you do complain it will come back to bite you! Instead, be an ally. Take the person to lunch. Ask non-threatening questions about his/her background and experience. Then, ask how the project is coming along. Offer to do one task the PM is complaining about, “to help the person out.” Get it done asap. Then, ask, “How else can I help you?”

Do It Their Way. The biggest fear most PMs have is that others won’t do it their way. It’s true…you and others won’t. But to gain their trust, do it their way the first time; then, offer only one suggestion on how it could be done faster or better in the future (e.g., using a social media strategy or using excel to track progress, etc.). Remember, only offer one suggestion at a time and then allow it to be their idea!

Bring in a Respected 3rd Party. You may not have the luxury of waiting for the incompetent project manager to “get it.” Talk with your company mentor or boss, and/or external company coach about how to best handle the issue. Remember, stick with the facts. But understand your internal mentor and/or boss may be unwilling to “rock the boat” since it could negatively impact them.

An aspiring young leader, Sara, volunteered to work with an executive, Trevor, an incompetent project manager. She knew from Trevor’s reputation he was difficult and unafraid to blame others. Sara asked her coach what to do. Armed with insights, Sara asked Trevor if she could shadow him for a day and learn about his background and job. He was flattered. Over time, the two built a good working relationship. So, when the inevitable time came when Trevor was poorly managing a customer project, Sara was able to step up. She relied on their good working relationship to have a frank, but diplomatic conversation. Trevor allowed Sara to help him and turn around the results.

Document. Be proactive, and ask at least twice, “How can I help?” OR “What would you like me to do?” Then document you did not get an answer or there was push-back. Keep it fact-based (stay away from blame). Share with your boss to keep him/her apprised, especially if it can show up on your performance appraisal.

When All Else Fails, Let It Go. If you are a highly responsible person this will be very difficult. You probably have a strong commitment or an emotional attachment to doing a good job and fulfilling the needs of the project. But when an incompetent project manager refuses to budge, you have to step back. Especially if no one is willing to help facilitate the outcome. If you don’t, you will develop a bad reputation for “not working well with others.” (Ironic, isn’t it?)

©Jeannette Seibly 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about working with an incompetent project manager. Always remember, you get to be right or you get to be effective. Being right will be short-lived. Being effective can build a positive and long-lasting reputation with most people, including incompetent project managers. Be patient. It takes time. But in the long run, you will save time, money, and energy … and your career. If you are frustrated and want to yell at an incompetent PM, FIRST…before doing anything…contact me for a confidential conversation. It’ll save your career!

Leadership Success Relies on Facilitating with Ease

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“Excellent facilitation skills are often overlooked as essential for great leadership.” Jeannette Seibly

I have coached leaders on conflict resolution, meeting strategies, and project management skills. But the most important skill is facilitating teams. These skills are not hard to use and not hard to learn. Using them will achieve dynamic results every time.

Leadership Success Relies on Facilitating with Ease

Most leaders have many meetings to attend and projects to manage. Your success as a leader is demonstrated by your ability to facilitate these and achieve on-time and within budget results, while having team members feel valued. Developing these skills increases your effectiveness and productivity while saving time!

How to Facilitate for Dynamic Results

  • Hear from Everyone. Yes! I know that can be a scary thought. You may fear it’s too time-consuming to have everyone share their thoughts, opinions, and ideas. But consider…it’s pay now or pay later. The reality is, if you don’t give everyone a chance to voice their ideas and concerns, they will express themselves outside the meeting. This will cause disruptions with other teams and/or customers and cost you time, money, and good working relationships.
  • Manage the Outspoken Know-It-Alls. Some team members will share their ideas and concerns with little or no encouragement. But good facilitators encourage everyone to express themselves, while managing the know-it-alls who will talk over everyone and dismiss other’s ideas. Doing this shows you value and respect all ideas.
  • Develop Their Critical Thinking Skills. It’s important when team members hit a wall (and they will) that they gain the confidence to discover the answers. Good facilitators ask questions. Share stories. And, encourage team members to deep-dive below the media headlines for the correct answers. Use feedback (positive and negative) and coaching to encourage them to do the work.
  • Encourage Team Building and Inclusion. Cliques can be the downfall of any project or team effort. When these occur, pair-up one of the clique members with the person they disagree with. Assign the pair an issue or task to complete together. Remember, don’t encourage lone rangers to resolve team challenges on their own.
  • Guide Others to Resolve Conflict. The #1 reason teams fail is by ignoring or mismanaging conflict. Step up and facilitate win-win-win solutions. Remember, team conflict can open up new insights previously overlooked when facilitated effectively.
  • Be the Coach that Encourages Others. As the coach, your job is to guide team members to learn and develop their technical and people skills. A great way to help individual team members build confidence is to share with the person 1 or 2 good things s/he does. For example, “I find you have great listening skills and I appreciate you ensuring everyone has a chance to share. Thank you.”

©Jeannette Seibly 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about developing your facilitation skills. All good leaders have learned the value of and developed excellent facilitation skills. These skills save time, value others, and ensure the achievement of intended results. If you are stuck and don’t know how to use facilitation skills to work with and through others, contact me for a confidential conversation.

How to Turn Negative Feedback into a Positive Learning Experience

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“Successful leaders listen to negative feedback and turn it into a learning opportunity. When they don’t, they lose the respect of and the ability to lead their teams.” Jeannette Seibly

No one likes to hear negative feedback about themselves. It feels demotivating. But negative feedback can turn into a positive experience when you listen to learn and improve your productivity.

When you welcome all types of feedback, you will get promoted faster, make more money, and be on the fast track for new opportunities. It also builds stronger relationships with team members, management, and customers.

9 Tips to Turn ALL Feedback into Success

1. Listen with Intention. If you listen with the intention of learning, you will keep your mind open to hearing what is said. The key is to avoid debating who’s right and who’s wrong; instead, ask clarifying questions.

2. Let Go of the Past! When you hang on to negative feedback, you will get stuck. Immediately after receiving negative feedback, talk with your executive coach and/or mentor to turn negative feedback into a positive learning experience. Then, create a plan of action and take the first step within 24 hours.

A VP told a young manager that “…he was stupid for making such a suggestion…that he didn’t know what he was talking about.” When a director overheard the conversation, he coached the young manager on how to learn from the negative feedback. The young manager took the coaching and got into action. He was able to turn the relationship with the VP into a positive one and was promoted six months later.

3. Remember, It’s Not Personal. This can be hard to believe when you receive negative feedback. If you’ve lost out on an opportunity or promotion, schedule a 1:1 meeting. Ask, “What is the most important thing I can learn from not getting this job (or promotion)?” Remember, you may have the skills and experience, but the opportunity didn’t work out for you at this time. Learn from it and be ready for the next opportunity.

4. Release Emotional Attachments. Like many people, you love doing things your own way. You rely on your own ideas and sometimes fail to welcome or take into consideration your team’s opinions. When you blow off negative feedback and fail to learn from it, your team and results will suffer. Eventually, your career will be sidelined.

5. Stay Away from Always and Never Statements. When receiving (or giving) negative feedback, do not use these triggering words! “I’m always on time.” “I would never say that!”

6. Stop Making It Mean Too Much! When receiving negative feedback about a goal, work effort, or interaction, don’t hear it as criticism. (Yes, it can be difficult to do.) Instead, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” Remember, negative feedback is about a specific issue, not about you as a whole person!

7. Use a Job Fit Assessment to Clarify “Why.” When someone says you are not a good fit for a job, use a job-fit assessment and work with an executive coach to find out why. You may find that financial planning, sales, and/or customer service jobs do not fit your strengths! It’ll be the best money you ever spent and can save you countless disappointments in the future!

8. Get Your Brag On! When you learn how to brag or promote yourself, it is a huge confidence booster. Don’t fall into the trap of sharing the negative feedback with everyone that’ll listen! Instead, share your “brags” to showcase your coachability to take feedback and use it.

9. Develop Mindful Resilience. Don’t allow negative feedback to sabotage your self-care. Take positive actions for your professional development by turning your internal monologues into dialogues with your coach and/or mentor.

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about turning negative feedback into positive learning experiences. Paying attention and listening to ALL feedback is critical for professional growth. If you only listen to the positive, you’ll lose the opportunity to learn the truth! If you hate receiving any type of feedback, it’s time to get over it before you are bypassed for a promotion or pay increase! Contact me for a confidential conversation.

How to “Coach Your Boss” (and Keep Your Job)

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“If you want to be an effective coach, and want others to listen and use what you have to say, first, you must be coachable.” Jeannette Seibly

When your boss gets stuck and could use your insights and coaching, it may be time to coach your boss.

“First off you may not want to use the term coaching. Consider it an open and honest conversation with your boss that focuses on feedback. Framing it this way opens the door for more honest dialogue.” (Forbes)

But beware! If it’s not done diplomatically, you could find yourself sidelined in your job.

A director hated his boss, a VP. When the executive coach asked the director to have an honest conversation with the VP, he resisted. He used the excuse “Everyone else hates the VP since he is difficult to work with.” Under the guidance of his coach, the director had an honest conversation to clear the air with the VP. Afterward, he started treating his boss with more respect and appreciating his boss’s insights when stuck in projects. Soon thereafter, the director became viewed as one of the very few people who could work well with this VP. If the director hadn’t been open to the coaching he received, he could have been sidelined in his job instead of being promoted.

Many team members today have insights, concerns, or problems with their bosses. The challenge is learning how to have an honest conversation to create a positive outcome.

Note for bosses and leaders: Encourage your team members and co-workers to give you honest feedback. It’s the only way you learn and grow, and catch those blind spots before they get in your way.

6 Tips to Coach or Have an Honest Conversation with Higher-Ups

  1. Be Diplomatic. Egos get in the way. So, it’s important to be diplomatic and set aside your own ego. Remember, there are always at least two sides to any issue. Be open to hearing what your boss has to say before offering your insights.
  2. Be Clear About the Issue. Take time to write down the specifics about “why” this conversation is important. Rehearse in front of the mirror until the person looking back at you feels comfortable and confident. Otherwise, your boss will dismiss what you have to say.
  3. Visualize the Conversation. Take the time to visualize or mentally think through the entire conversation. If you hit a snag, rewind, and replay in a positive manner.
  4. Breathe to Calm Your Nerves and Anxiety. Breathe to calm down the urge to go in too strong. Remember, being assertive is important; but, being aggressive will only limit your future job opportunities. Breathe in for a count of 10, pause, then, exhale for a count of 10. Do this at least 3 times before your conversation. This simple exercise will reduce stress and positively impact your results.
  5. Work Through Your Anger or Righteousness First. It’s natural for you to feel that your boss won’t understand or get what you have to say. But if you go into the meeting assuming your boss won’t understand and feel angry or righteous, your boss will only defend his/her actions. Work with your own executive coach first and role-play the conversation. Write out an agenda outlining facts and key points. Stay on-point during the conversation.
  6. Ask Permission. Start with a soft approach to get your boss’s attention. “I have something I need to talk about with you. And, I’m nervous about doing this. I fear you’ll hear it the wrong way.” Do this in a respectful manner. The boss is more likely to hear what you have to say.

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Right Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about coaching your boss (and keeping your job): Everyone can benefit from feedback. This includes your boss! Your challenge is the boss may not appreciate how you “coach” them. Instead, take the time to prepare for an honest conversation. If you know you need to have a difficult conversation with your boss but don’t know how contact me for a confidential conversation.

How to Be an Effective Coach

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“If you want to be an effective coach, and want others to listen and use what you have to say, first, you must be coachable.” Jeannette Seibly

Many believe being coached is no big deal when they are the coach. Coaches love giving advice and it provides an ego boost. The challenge is, many have learned from a traditional approach of, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Or, they lack the confidence and insight required to be an effective coach.

Do you experience (check all that apply):

  • Giving advice that doesn’t reflect the person’s struggles?
  • Coming across as critical about how it should be done?
  • A lack of insight into what the true issue is?
  • Not having credibility in the listener’s eyes?
  • People ignoring your coaching and doing it their way?

If you answered “yes” to more than one question, it’s important to keep reading!

Today, it’s critical that leaders and managers effectively coach team members for success. The quality of the coaching provided impacts business growth, team member retention, and customer satisfaction.

Remember, if you lack the skills to effectively coach others, it can tarnish your working relationships for a very long time.

Nine Essential Coaching Skills to Improve Your Effectiveness

1. Set a Positive Example. Leaders, bosses, and managers are not perfect. But ethical issues, being late for meetings, or multitasking during conversations (to name a few) hurts your credibility as a coach. Improve your effectiveness by working with your executive coach to address these issues and blind spots.

2. Visualize a Positive Outcome. Take the time to visualize or mentally think through what you want to say. If you hit a snag during this visualization process, rewind and restart to ensure a positive outcome. Read Dr. Lynn Hellerstein’s newest book: Expand Your Vision: How to Gain Clarity, Courage, and Confidence for more information.

3. Be Specific. Write down the specific issues to organize your thoughts about why you need to coach a team member. Saying you found problems with the sales report or you don’t like a graphic is of no value. Instead, be specific about where the report is inaccurate or why the graphic doesn’t have visual appeal. Remember to manage the task, not a person’s personality.

4. Use a Job Fit Tool for Clarity. These tools often include “coaching” reports guiding the leader to be on-target when providing feedback.

One company president uses the coaching information when talking with his direct reports. When there is a problem, he scans the report for insights and adjusts his coaching style. By doing this, the other person feels valued and becomes coachable.

5. Talk Straight and Stay On-Point. Talking in generalities or going off on tangents leaves the team member or co-worker confused and frustrated.

A human resources director (HRD) counseled a financial director (FD) to stop the negative gossip about a vice president (VP). A week later, the FD continued to make negative comments about the VP. FD’s coach said, “I thought HRD had counselled you to stop making negative comments about the VP.” FD’s reply, “No… he stated we need to operate as a team. I was unclear what his point was since I am a team player.”  

This level of confusion is what happens when you speak in generalities.

6. Keep It Confidential and Private. Criticizing a team member in public has repercussions, even when the person says, “No problem. I don’t care if anyone else hears this.” If the person has a public negative reaction, it will often reflect negatively on you. Instead, set up a 1:1 private and confidential meeting immediately after an issue or problem has occurred. Don’t share publicly. During the 1:1, remember to share facts, not opinions. Otherwise, what you say will not be heard as objective feedback.

7. Choose the Appropriate Coaching Approach.

a. When to Use the Direct Approach. Be clear and concise with those that can handle or want that style of feedback. Keep in mind this approach will always depend on the situation (e.g., illness, passing away of a family member, etc.).

“Good report. But when including numbers in a report, you need to include a graph and bullet point the numbers. Any questions? How soon can you get this report updated and back to me?”

b. When to Use the Sandwich Approach. Talk straight and be specific. Use this approach when the situation may cause an emotional reaction, or the person is easily triggered. Share 2 positive actions the person has taken, 2 specific areas for improvement, and close with 2 positive actions the person has taken.

“Your proposal was good. The numbers supported the importance of this project. But when providing this type of information, it’s important to include a graph so the reader can visually see the value. And, bullet point the numbers to make them easier to read and understand. Again, good proposal and I appreciate you getting this done so fast. Any questions? How soon can you get this report updated and back to me?”

8. Have Compassion. Everyone has challenges, especially during this ongoing pandemic. Be empathetic, while sticking to the point.

“It’s hard when a family member has COVID. My heart goes out to those struggling during this pandemic. But when providing written reports, the information and spelling need to be proofread before submitting. Let me know what you need and how I can help.”

9. Share a Story. An effective way to coach others is by sharing a story about your own similar challenge and what you did to work through it. Then, offer one or two ideas for them to implement.

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about how to be an effective coach: Successful people have coaches. When leaders and others talk with their coach regularly, their productivity, confidence, and results improve. The challenge is, many don’t believe they need a coach, and hear feedback as criticism. As an entrepreneurial leader, make a commitment to coach others for success by being an effective coach. Want to get started, but don’t know how? Contact me for a confidential conversation.

Do You Want to Succeed and Make a Lot of Money? Then, Be Coachable!

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“Do you want to excel professionally and financially? Being coachable is the #1 way to make it happen.” Jeannette Seibly

“The paradox is that the very things that hold us back are the reasons we need a coach in the first place.” Seth Godin

Successful leaders and future leaders have coaches! They have developed the skills to succeed by being coachable.

There are many things in business and in life that you don’t know that you don’t know. Being coachable uncovers the blind spots that get in your way of receiving promotions and special assignments. Making lots of money and achieving huge goals. And, being a leader others want to follow.

What Does Being Coachable Mean?

“Coachability is not a technical skill or an inherent ability. It is a mental attitude.” It reflects your ability to ask for feedback, listen, and make appropriate changes. It is also a reflection of your emotional ability or emotional intelligence (EQ) to learn from constructive criticism. (mvorganizing.org)

What Does Being Uncoachable Look Like?

When someone is uncoachable, they often will roll their eyes, take things personally, and have a myriad of excuses. They also misinterpret comments and resist taking the right action. It reflects their fears of having others think of them as “weak.” Or, their unwillingness to stretch their mindset outside their comfort zones.

One entrepreneur loved creating new products and was very talented. He dreamed of resigning from the day job he hated. The problem was, he didn’t want to focus on the business requirements to create a foundation for growth. As a result, he ignored the coach and did things his way. He’s still dreaming about one day being a successful business owner and giving up his hated day job.

Why Do Employers Fail to Offer Coaching?

Many companies agree coaching is a must. But they fail to work through the resistance teams and team members put up as barriers. Companies must then fire poor performers (90% of the time it’s due to poor interpersonal skills) because they are not coachable.

How Can You Improve Your Coachability?

  1. Seek Out Feedback. Ask team members, customers, and your boss for feedback. “What’s one thing that would help me improve …” (e.g., interactions with others, project results, ability to work well with others, etc.). Listen and be respectful, especially if the feedback isn’t what you want to hear. Don’t forget to say thank you!
  2. Be Open to Learning. You can learn something from anyone! While you may selectively seek out people more experienced than you, be open to hearing from co-workers and direct reports too. Their insights can be invaluable.
  3. Be Willing to Stretch Beyond Your Comfort Zone. We all love our comfort zones. But successful leaders and future leaders know they must move beyond these confining spaces! When you’ve already tried something that didn’t work or don’t feel comfortable with the recommendation, ask clarifying questions. “I tried this approach and it didn’t work for me. What do you believe is missing?” Listen and don’t debate. This helps you discover your blind spots and how to overcome them.
  4. Become Self-aware by Being Present. Self-awareness is critical to your success. It requires being present during ALL interactions. This means setting aside thoughts and distractions while listening and learning. During the process, you will discover insights between what you say you want and what you are doing.
  5. Make Positive Behavior and Attitude Changes. Talking the talk won’t make a difference. You must do the work! If you don’t know what to do, ask an experienced coach and use a qualified job fit assessment to guide you through the steps required. Then, immediately take the first step!
  6. Check Your Ego at the Door! Even if you believe your results are the best they can be, be willing to accept criticism, especially around tough issues. It’s a golden opportunity to learn from your successes and If you are unclear what the problem is, deep dive by asking clarifying questions. Be aware of your tone of voice and other non-verbal communication (e.g., rolling your eyes). Otherwise, you can shut down the opportunity to receive invaluable feedback and have amazing breakthroughs.
  7. Hire the Right Coach. Successful leaders and future leaders have coaches. They seek out and find the coach that can guide them to achieve what they really really really Also, select a coach that has a coach too! (Yes, coaches need to be coachable too!)

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about the lesson we all need to learn: “Many of us have the assumption that someday life will be easy. We will coast along effortlessly and will be successful. … But this assumption that it gets easier is not true. It is never true because you change, the organization changes and the business environment is constantly evolving. A successful life means constant change and continuous learning. So set a goal now to remain coachable throughout your career.” (Forbes)

Not sure where to begin, contact me for a confidential conversation.

Today’s Hiring Failures Are Due to Being Uncoachable!

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Many new hires today are failing in their jobs. The #1 reason? They are not coachable!” Jeannette Seibly

Poor interpersonal skills are the reason why there are so many hiring failures today! The #1 issue? They are uncoachable!

Why is being coachable important? It reflects the ability to accept and put in place feedback from bosses, team members, customers, and others! (Leadership IQ) Being coachable is why leaders and teams succeed in business!

Here’s are shocking stats:

  • Almost half of new employees today will fail within 18 months of hire.
  • Almost 90% of the time it’s due to the new hires’ attitudes and poor interpersonal skills.
  • Only 11% of failures are due to technical skills. (Leadership IQ)

Many hiring managers admit overlooking or explaining away flaws they saw during interviews. But they were unsure what to do with these insights or biases because they failed to use real consistent data that job fit assessments offer. They hired the job candidates based on technical and other hard skills, but fired them due to poor interpersonal skills!

To improve your hiring and selection process, it starts during the interview by making this important time count!

7 Keys to Improve Your Hiring Success

1. Job Fit Is #1. According to a Harvard Business Review study, job fit is why people succeed! Use a qualified job fit assessment to ensure you’re seeing the whole person objectively. When using real and consistent data, you can delve deeper and learn more about the person before hiring them! This avoids surprises!

2. Determine Coachability by Asking These Two Interview Questions. A coachable person is looking to improve and is willing to ask for help to do so.

Ask: “When was the last time you made a mistake?” and “How did you handle it?”

Then, listen for:

  • “What did s/he learn?”
  • “Who did s/he talk with?”
  • “Why did the mistake happen?”
  • “What were the results?”

This is perhaps the most important revealing part of the interview.

3. Gain Insight During Reference Checks with Previous Co-Workers. Ask this question: “Would you work for this person? Why?” Listen. I’ve found this question to be a very good indicator of a person’s on-the-job interpersonal skills.

4. Talk Straight. Share with the job candidate about your company’s ongoing training and development programs. During each interview, emphasize your expectation that the person participates. If there is any pushback (e.g., “What if I already…?” “I already know that.”), you may need to reconsider hiring this candidate since you are looking for team players that are open to learning and expanding all their job skills.

5. Focus on Results Required for the Position. Put together a 180-Day Success Plan. Share it during each interview with the job candidate and listen. The person’s reactions may change over time, so it’s important to address any change. Remember, you are seeking team players with the attitude of, “I’m open to learning from my mistakes and contributing to the success of everyone.”

6. Provide a Coach and a Mentor. Provide teams and future leaders in your company with an internal company mentor and an external executive coach. One fast-growing company shared this expectation with job candidates. Those that didn’t believe they would need a coach were not considered further. Several years later, the coachable team members achieved executive and leadership levels in their careers. It was due to their focus on coaching, developing, and learning.

7. Be Coachable! Yes, many successful leaders have coaches. Be sure you have one and be sure you are learning how to be a good coach, while developing and learning along with the team. Believe it or not, it can be a lot of fun!

©Jeannette Seibly 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.  

A note from Jeannette about how to hire coachable people. We’re in a talent tsunami, where 20% to 50% of employees are seeking new jobs. One of the top reasons is they are uncoachable in their current job and believe the grass will be greener in other companies. It’s up to you to use real and consistent data to make good hiring decisions and uncover a job candidate’s coachability before you hire them. This impacts your ability to attract and keep top talent and great customers, while improving your bottom line. Unsure of how to get started? Contact me for a confidential conversation.

Do You Have Problems Working with Authority Figures?

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“If you want to get ahead in your career, you must learn to listen to and work well with your boss.” Jeannette Seibly

Do you:

  • Ignore advice and only argue for your point-of-view?
  • Do it anyway when your boss or board says, “No?”
  • Have a team that bickers a lot?
  • Deny having authority issues and place blame for mistakes on your boss?
  • Look for approval from your boss and seldom get it?

Can you imagine NFL team players thumbing their nose at the coach when told to adopt a new game strategy? I cannot either.

Yet, many times, business leaders fail to work well with authority figures! They believe they know how things should work and fail to listen to sage advice. This mindset costs them valuable time, money, and energy that could have been better used for business growth.

7 Tips to Improve Effective Working Relationships  

  1. Recognize You Have a Problem. “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” (Dr. Phil) When you cringe because someone sounds like your mom, dad, or teacher, you have a trigger. Heal the relationship with your parent(s) and you will go further faster as a leader.
  2. Positively Handle Feedback and Criticism. Many times, when you get triggered, it has nothing to do with the feedback. It’s an automatic reaction from your ego saying, “Don’t talk to me that way.” Breathe. Put your feelings into words. Learn to ask questions for clarification. If you truly listen, you will find your boss’s insights (or someone else’s) were “right on.”
  3. Encourage Brainstorming and Listening to New Ideas. When you or your team know-it-all and rely on past solutions, you will fail to get to the core issue. Be open to listening to others…it saves time and money while creating viable solutions.
  4. Resolve Conflict Before It Diminishes Your Results. Authority avoidance leaders create lots conflicts. They have poor communication styles and work ethics, making it difficult for team members to succeed. Remember, successful leaders have coaches to help them resolve conflicts before they are no longer manageable.
  5. Learn to Delegate. If you want to achieve true leadership, you must stop doing it yourself! To expand your business, sales results, and influence with your team, create a team that is resilient, reliable, and resourceful. That starts with your willingness to listen and work well with your boss, board, team, and customers.
  6. Get Over, “Do It My Way.” Life is not about doing everything “your way.” Yet, there are many stories on social media about DIYers. It takes maturity and experience to work well with your team, customers, business, and bottom line. You will make mistakes. But your ability to learn from those mistakes and seek counsel will improve your results.
  7. Take a Good Long Look in the Mirror. If you are a leader that acts as a lone ranger, be aware your team members will mimic you! While you may believe this is OK, at some point, it will create irrevocable issues at the wrong time! Learn to be coachable and understand there are other workable ways to get the best results.

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning executive coach, management consultant, and keynote speaker for over 28 years. Her focus is getting leaders and their teams unstuck and able to achieve dynamic results. Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation. 

A note from Jeannette about being an authority avoidance leader. Everyone has a boss, board, team, and/or customers that provide feedback and criticism. Failure to listen and learn will sideline your career. Take the time to develop effective working relationships, be coachable, and take feedback, while learning from your mistakes. If this sounds too difficult, contact me for a confidential conversation.