Many leaders have trouble admitting they were wrong, or their actions had a negative impact on a person or group. Or, they failed to fulfill a promise using the age-old excuses of failing to remember or being too busy. To make matters worse, they attempt to blame others.
Mistakes happen! How you handle them either builds your credibility or diminishes your career growth.
One overlooked truth is that explanations rarely rebuild trust, apologies do. Explanations satisfy the mind, but apologies repair the relationship.
When leaders (and others) offer explanations, it’s a fear of …
- Admitting they were wrong
- Failing to take responsibility
- Listening and speaking honestly
- The list is endless
What’s often overlooked is the deeper fear underneath all of this: losing psychological safety.
When leaders avoid apologizing, they unintentionally signal that mistakes are dangerous to admit, creating a culture where people stay silent rather than speak up.
The costs:
- Top talent – no one wants to be lied to
- Clients – no one wants to be manipulated
- Management team – unwilling to take responsibility for leaders’ words or actions
- Team culture – blame becomes normalized, and people mirror the leader’s defensiveness
- Productivity – issues linger longer even though a simple apology could have resolved them sooner
Polly, Director of Customer Support, told employees they needed to be in the office three days a week but failed to update policies or address obvious logistical issues. She let everyone continue as before. Some never showed up. Instead of apologizing, she shrugged, “Well … people will be people.” The impact on revenues, retention, and results was significant. With her executive coach’s support, Polly finally apologized and cleaned up the mess by implementing a clear hybrid policy and enforcing it.
Have you ever noticed that when leaders, who you respect, are also the ones that don’t hesitate to apologize? “I’m sorry …” “Oops, my misunderstanding …” They take full responsibility for what they heard and what they have said. Their willingness to apologize creates psychological safety and people feel safe speaking up, asking questions, and being honest.
Understanding the secrets of a powerful apology and developing this all-important skill is required of everyone in any leadership role.
The Three Secrets
Accountability. Being honest about why you did something may not be helpful. Instead, simply say, “I apologize.” Set aside your ego, excuses, and other bad habits when you’ve made a mistake. Otherwise, you diminish your reputation.
- Apologize for not understanding and share the work that gave you a new perspective.
- Take a step back and stay emotionally unattached to the outcome.
- Truly listen to build win‑win‑win results using active listening skills.
Respect. Respect is two‑sided. When leaders don’t apologize for lack of preparation or late arrivals, team members feel dismissed. Explanations meant to elicit sympathy eventually backfire.
- Respect for others requires stopping the excuses and simply apologizing.
- Explanations fall flat and are heard as inauthentic.
- Respect for yourself and your team includes apologizing when your lack of direction has created confusion.
Example: If you’ve allowed your team to be late to meetings, it’s time to change that bad habit: “I apologize upfront that I’ve not been consistent. It’s important that each of you arrive prepared and ready to go at the scheduled time. Any questions?”
Courage. Admitting a mistake and taking responsibility for your team’s poorly completed work takes courage. First, apologize. Then ask questions … not to defend what happened, but to clarify what was overlooked. Remember, 80% of communication is non‑verbal; mental chatter or a defensive ego will distract everyone from resolving the issue.
- Apologize first
- Ask open-ended, clarifying questions
- Manage your non‑verbal cues (e.g., a defensive ego)
© Jeannette Seibly, 2017–2026 All Rights Reserved
Jeannette Seibly is a Leadership Results Coach, Talent Advisor, and Business Author with 33 years of experience activating greatness in leaders and companies. She delivers practical coaching and solutions that elevate performance today, build legacies that stand the test of time, and support people in empowering themselves to lead with clarity and impact.