Real kindness requires backbone, not telling people what they want to hear (aka platitudes). In today’s workplace, kindness is required to be effective and to be a results‑producer.
A lack of kindness often comes at the expense of teamwork, accountability, quality, client care, and the bottom line.
Kindness used to mean helping people grow, telling the truth, and doing what’s right even when it’s hard.
But today, “kindness” has been reduced to being agreeable, avoiding discomfort, and keeping everyone happy. It’s a way of avoiding potential legal issues, addressing unreasonable demands, and preventing team or customer upsets. That’s not kindness. When leaders focus on being liked, keeping the customer or boss happy, and protecting the bottom line, this surface‑level civility (aka fake kindness) creates a legacy of being nice but makes the leader ineffective.
Where Has Kindness Gone Missing?
- Truth telling. Leaders avoid honest feedback to “be kind,” leaving teams stuck, costs rising, and customers unhappy.
- Accountability. Standards are softened to avoid hurt feelings, creating mediocrity.
- Follow-through. Leaders promise support but fail to provide the resources and feedback required, negatively impacting the company and clients.
- Kindness creates confusion when leaders tolerate conflicts, factions, and groupthink out of fear of being labeled a bad or mean boss.
- Hard conversations are avoided due to lack of skill, fear of failure, or making the situation worse.
- Kindness is applied selectively, creating confusion and resentment.
- Offense‑seeking. Teams (and leaders) look for opportunities to feel offended, diminished, or discredited.
- Decision‑making. Leaders delay or avoid making timely decisions to prevent upsetting someone, harming progress and trust.
- Performance management. Avoiding tough conversations about poor performance hurts the individual, the team, and the customer.
The Blunt Truth About Kindness
Kindness isn’t soft or fuzzy. As a leader, it’s crucial to develop kindness with a backbone while guiding teams and customers through the inevitable difficulties, conflicts, and upsets.
- Be Clear. Clarity is kindness. Provide the resources and truth required to get the job done. These conversations will take longer. The benefit? They allow the team to be innovative and surpass the intended results.
- Be Direct. Directness with diplomacy prevents misunderstandings and raises standards. Keep the goal and intention in the forefront to move everyone forward.
- Be Consistent. Consistency builds trust when you tell the truth early, directly, and respectfully. Remember you will need to repeat it many times during meetings and conversations.
- Be Accountable. Accountability protects people and results through intended actions, not avoidance.
- Be Courageous. Courage is the highest form of kindness for yourself and others. It guides teams and customers to do what they’ve been avoiding.
- Be Compassionate. Chances are you’ve had a similar experience. Share a short story about how you handled a situation or relationship to support your own growth.
- Be Generous. Appreciate each team member’s contribution. Encourage them to brag about their successes too.
- Be Self‑Aware. Listen to the “tiny voice in your head” before saying something you’ll regret. Stop, breathe, and use silence when your critical voice is too loud.
A Leader’s Self‑Check
- “Am I being kind or just agreeable?”
- “Am I helping this person grow or keeping them comfortable?”
- “Am I avoiding the truth and calling it kindness?”
- “Am I protecting people through silence at the expense of the team or client?”
- “Am I being authentic or just saying what is expected of me?”
- “Are my expectations ego‑based?”
- “Am I failing to hire the right people required to achieve needed results for customers?”
- “Am I gaslighting someone because I failed to take responsibility?” (e.g., overscheduling, failing to keep promises, failing to listen, ignoring policies or systems)
Kindness isn’t about keeping people comfortable. It’s about guiding them to succeed. In today’s work world, kindness is required.
© Jeannette Seibly 2026 All Rights Reserved
Jeannette Seibly is a legacy‑driven Talent Advisor, Leadership Results Coach, and Business Author. For over 33 years, she has empowered thousands of executives and business leaders to achieve sustainable success through strategic hiring, values‑based coaching, and intentional leadership development. Her work blends clarity, accountability, and soulful impact—activating performance and purpose at every level.