Every leader has had to learn how to listen beyond the words being said. And with so many team members working from home today, it’s more important than ever to listen more closely.
Being able to develop the skill of hearing or sensing what is not being said or spoken is important for current and future leaders. As leaders, it’s important to have intentional conversations, listen with attention, and ask open‑ended questions to dive deeper. Developing these skills will fine-tune your ability to hear the unsaid.
Virtual meetings provide an opportunity to hide out. It’s harder to recognize and pick up on the 80 percent of non-verbal communication cues. And when you miss what’s unsaid, you risk missing deadlines, making wrong assumptions, and encountering costly rework.
Question: Have you ever talked with someone and you (and they) believed you were both on the same page? However, two weeks later you find out you were both not on the same page. That’s the gap between what was said and what was actually heard. And why it’s critical to for you to tune-up your listening!
- Some people tell you what they think you want to hear.
- Different people learn differently: without appropriate auditory or visual cues, they lose part of the conversation.
- You’re using jargon or words that are not readily understood.
- You’re rephrasing words they used instead of using the same words they used (e.g., calling someone upset when they believe they are only frustrated – different words have different meanings to people).
7 Tips to Hear What Is Not Being Said
- Yes. Especially if what they say has triggered you.
- Set aside any distractions. Listening is an art … and doing it well is a requirement for all leaders. Multi-tasking as a productive way to manage your time is a myth.
- Quiet the mind. Set aside any internal mental chatter and emotional reactions — that literally creates a blank slate. Otherwise, all your biases, judgments, and other POVs will get in the way.
- Ask open-ended questions without sounding like an interrogator when something doesn’t add up or sound right. (Remember, you could be wrong.)
- Pay attention to your internal antenna. For me, when my imaginary antenna starts waving, I trust it. I wait, and if the antenna is still waving, I asked open-ended questions. This allows me to “hear” or get to the true core issue or solution.
For example:
- “Interesting. You said XYZ, now you’re saying ABC. What is the difference?”
- At first, they will deny the discrepancy.
- Keep your tone even‑keeled. “Interesting, I’m not clear how that works—what can you show me to help explain this?” (Diagrams and pictures can make a positive difference.)
- Ask them to repeat back what they heard you say and how they will proceed. Some people are great at repeating what was said without comprehending what it means. This requires patience since they are not used to sharing what they heard.
- Practice daily. Spend one minute after each conversation asking yourself: What did I hear? What didn’t I hear? What felt off? This simple reflection builds your “hearing the unsaid” muscle quicker.
Remember, you are not a mind‑reader … although you may like to think you are. When you are able to hear what is not being expressed, and needs to be said, it can make a huge difference in achieving the required results.
©Jeannette Seibly 2026 All Rights Reserved
Jeannette Seibly is a Leadership Results Coach, Talent Advisor, and Business Author with 33 years of experience activating greatness in leaders and companies. She delivers practical coaching and solutions that elevate performance today, build legacies that stand the test of time, and support people in empowering themselves to lead with clarity and impact.