When researching this important skill, I discovered that discernment can have a religious context. This article only focuses on leaders and bosses developing and utilizing this important skill.
Every leader must deal with data, people and situations where lies are told, false truths are believed, and subterfuge gets in the way of achieving intended results and win-win-win outcomes. It’s where your ability as a leader must develop the skill of discernment to support your retention, revenues, and results. That is how you build trust and loyalty.
Definition: Discernment is the skill in making careful distinctions, especially in matters of truth, value, or character, and often involves making wise judgments. (Merriam Webster)
Utilizing this skill requires looking beyond the obvious, integrating your experience and emotional intelligence, and noticing discrepancies in data, conversations, and situations. Your integrity and ethics can support you (or not) in working through these insights instead of relying solely on superficial appearances or false facts. It’s always better to admit you don’t know the truth, rather than, lie about it.
How Do Lies and Half-Truths Occur?
When you rely on:
- People’s words. Many people are poor communicators and listeners.
- Social posts and media: There are many false facts.
- Feelings and Skepticism: These often get in the way of hearing your intuition or gut.
- Authority, Title or Degrees: Too many people fail to dive deeply into the basics and misstate facts and potential outcomes.
How to Improve Your Ability to Discern Fact from Fiction
First, and foremost … remember … discernment is a process. There will be times you will be wrong! When this happens, use diplomacy and apologize. Then, move on.
Breathe and Allow Silence. Put aside your know-it-all mindset in conversations. Too often you attempt to cover up uncomfortable pauses by filling in the silence. Your impatience gets in the way (often) and you miss important data and other information.
Listen and Learn. Ask open-ended questions to get started. Then, ask direct questions when focusing on the facts and truth. When responses go off track, bring their focus back to the topic at hand. Example: It’s very important during hiring, job promotions, and job transfers to be open to hearing what you don’t want to hear.
Deep Dive. Use the Rule of Three to determine the truth and relevant facts. Remember, spotting lies or exaggerations are far harder than people think.
Develop Your Intuition. Feelings are not the same as intuition or gut reactions. Feelings are past-based and signal an issue or issues you’ve not handled yet. Intuition comes out of the blue. It won’t tell you what to do but signals there’s something more to learn. Rely on conversations and not mental gyrations to uncover the truth (e.g., be careful of your biases or snap judgments).
Misinterpretation. This happens often. Too many people, including leaders and bosses, have poor listening and communication skills. When speaking they are unable to adequately put into words the facts — they are not lying, they are limited in their ability to express themselves. When this happens, ask the person to show you or draw a diagram of the issue.
Leadership Blind Spots. We all have them. These can get in the way of being open to hearing what others have to say, and clarifying what is true and what is not. Use a qualified job fit assessment to discover what your blind spots are.
Temper Your Need to Be Right. Egos discount what others have to say, or diminish or dismiss their ideas, concerns, or thoughts. I know of a manager that normally makes people feel wrong when they state a fact that he doesn’t agree with. But instead of acknowledging his weakness … he questions people to the point of being ineffective and discourages them from wanting to work with him. This is not discernment! It’s just poor management skills.
What if you are the liar, fearmonger or manipulator spinning things to be different? This can happen when you are unprepared, wanting to look good, or you just don’t care about the results. Remember, the truth normally (almost always) comes out.
Note for skeptics. While you have a difficult time believing anything anyone has to say … there are truthful facts based on the data, person, and situation. Learn how to discern what is true by using your skepticism wisely.
©Jeannette Seibly 2026 All Rights Reserved
Jeannette Seibly is a Talent Advisor, Leadership Results Coach, and Business Author with over 33 years of experience guiding people to empower themselves, transforming workplaces into places that work, and shaping leaders who truly lead.
Discernment is a skill learned over time. Understanding your blind spots as a leader can help you discern what is true and what is not. Contact me to go deeper and uncover the power of developing of your discernment skills.