leadership development

Why Are So Many Leaders Struggling Today? They Are Uncoachable!

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“Can you imagine wanting to win and ignoring the coach? Yet, many leaders refuse to be coachable.” Jeannette Seibly

Why is coaching essential today? The workplace has changed, and so have the unwritten rules. Trying to stay on top of people, projects, and performance while paying attention to profitability can be difficult. It’s why leaders must learn to be coachable but often are not due to ego, peer pressure, and fear of the unknown.

Why Being Coachable Causes Leaders to Win

Accelerate Self-Awareness. Being coachable helps leaders become mindful of what they do and say. As a result, they develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their motivations, leading to greater mindfulness, self-awareness, and personal fulfillment.

Develop Personal and Professional Growth. Being coachable allows leaders to reflect on their strengths and weaknesses, identify areas for improvement, and discover their blind spots. This process helps them grow and excel; two critical traits required to win.

Increase Effectiveness. Being coachable guides leaders to clarify their goals, create action plans, and be held accountable for their progress. This results in improved performance and increased effectiveness in their roles.

Improve Communication Skills. Being coachable also improves leaders’ abilities to develop their communication, listening, and speaking skills. These are critical to success in any role. Leaders and their teams win when they can articulate their vision, build consensus through team conflict, and negotiate more effectively!

Make Better Decisions. Being coachable helps leaders to clarify their values and priorities and to weigh the consequences of their decisions. Creating win-win-win outcomes due to informed and strategic decisions separates so-so leaders from those who excel and win.

©Jeannette Seibly 2023 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has over 30 years of award-winning international experience as an executive consultant, speaker, and business author. Her clients surpass the norm by working through sticky situations and challenging relationships to become positive influencers. Contact Jeannette for a confidential discussion.

A note from Jeannette about being coachable: Imagine for a moment being part of a team of NFL players and ignoring the coach. Not going to happen! The team knows that being coachable is required to win the game. Yet, many leaders today are not coachable and make leadership harder than it is. As a result, they experience higher-than-average turnover, miscommunication, and failed team results. Contact me to talk through how to be coachable and win!

This week’s PODCAST: Listen to Want to Achieve Great Results? Use Peer Coaching with my guest, Meredith Bell, on The Entrepreneurial Leader.

NOTE: Do you want to win? All leaders who are winners have coaches! I love coaching leaders and have for over 30 years! Contact me if you want an in-depth, one-on-one hour over 13 weeks. Having a coach will speed up your ability to influence others, hire the right people, and coach your team for unprecedented results.

How Do You Bridge Communication Gaps and Create Positive Results?

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Leaders often wait for a miracle to get the team on the same page. Yet, unfortunately, it rarely happens without the directed effort of the leader.

In my recent article, Are Your Relationships Working? I mentioned “Bridge Communication Gaps” as one of the essential tips for building good and effective working relationships.

Yet, many leaders are perplexed about how to do this in today’s workplace due to diversity, remote work options, and differences of opinion.

5 Essential Ways to Bridge Communication Gaps between Teams and Results

Appreciate Differences … Where Do I Start? You start by using a qualified job fit assessment that provides objective information (not the type of assessment that shows how people want to be seen). For many years, I’ve used the granddaddy of objective job-fit assessment products: PXT Select. Example: When team members (and business partners, boss/employee) are in conflict, I use it to provide an objective review of what’s working and where the communication problems exist. Everyone thinks they know the answers. But 99% of the time, there are surprises. This process and the knowledge you gain build comradery and resolve misperceptions.

Get Everyone on the Same Page. Share the goal, budget, and deadline with the team and allow them to contribute their ideas, thoughts, and opinions. Yes, this often requires training for you and the team on developing and using the skills necessary to communicate, create strategies, and execute results.

Include Everyone’s Ideas. It doesn’t mean all of their ideas are viable and will be used. But when everyone’s ideas are heard and acknowledged, they feel respected and valued. This closes many communication gaps while building positive working relationships.

Brainstorm for Solutions. The same mindset that created the problem will not solve the issue. It requires listening outside the norm and allowing new, off-the-wall ideas to take hold. It will require setting aside egos and judging what is or is not a good idea. Encourage everyone to construct the solution by asking questions for clarification.

Celebrate the Wins and Learn from the Failures. This is critical and often overlooked. Conduct a What Worked?/What Didn’t Work? for each and every project. This review is also a great way to get unstuck in a project, acknowledge the team, and fully appreciate their efforts.

©Jeannette Seibly 2023 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She’s celebrating 30 years as an award-winning international executive consultant, speaker, and business author. Her clients value the listening and positive difference she brings to any conversation. As a result, they can work through sticky situations and challenging relationships to become positive influencers. Contact Jeannette for a confidential discussion. PS: She’s also a three-time Amazon Best-Selling Author!

A note from Jeannette about bridging communication gaps: For many leaders, this can be scary. They either don’t know how, are afraid to ask for help, or are unwilling to admit there is a problem. However, failure to bridge communication gaps will derail your ability to create good working relationships. It will also negatively impact your retention, revenues, and results. Contact me if you know you should but don’t want to. Don’t worry. You’ll glean at least one idea you can implement immediately.

This week’s PODCAST:  Listen to How the pandemic led a professional copywriter, speaker and author to become an accidental artist with my guest, Debra Jason, on The Entrepreneurial Leader.

NOTE: I love coaching current and future leaders to support them in leading, managing, and hiring their teams. Contact me if you want an in-depth, one-on-one hour over 13 weeks. It will accelerate your ability to influence others, hire the right people, and coach your team for unprecedented results. SeibCo.com/contact/ 

Healing Our Inner Power Determines Our Leadership Success

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Grateful Giving: Happy holidays! In appreciation to my readers, I will give an additional one-hour of coaching for 50% off during the month of December, 2022. To participate, complete your Leadership PXTS Report and one-hour review, then, schedule your extra hour. Here’s additional information and link: Your blind spots limit what is possible in your career and business. Too often, we get stuck in how we look at a problem or a relationship. It defines our results! As a leader, it’s critical you discover your blind spots and reclaim your ability to influence and inspire others before it’s too late. Learn more by clicking here.

THE ARTICLE:

“Our inner power needs care like every other aspect of our health and well-being.” Jeannette Seibly

Inner power is the quiet force within you that knows when to act and when to move and gives you the strength to do so. (Psychology Today)

Many leaders experience a loss of inner power during professional and life challenges. Inner power helps you stay resilient and resourceful and bounce back after a loss. But when there is the experience of the loss of a job title, money, family status, zip code, or health, many leaders attempt to hide their feelings of guilt or shame. Instead, take the time to recognize what occurred and do the work to move forward. (An excellent way to objectively discover what happened is to complete the worksheet “What Worked? / What Didn’t Work?)

How to recognize a loss of inner power or strength. When you feel ineffective, or no one cares, you are controlling and challenging to work with, or you are feeling fear due to a person’s upset, you’ve lost your ability to influence and inspire others.

Healing Ideas to Reclaim Your Inner Power

  1. Make the Decision. Nothing can genuinely change until you become responsible for where you are now and then commit to moving forward. In my many conversations with leaders who have experienced a loss of inner power, they remember this declaration. It became the line in the sand of before and after. It’s when they get into focused action to move forward.
  2. Hire a Coach. The best way to move past a business or career loss is to get help. Work with the right coach to guide you in the right direction without the devastating ups and downs of trial and error. Please don’t make the common mistake of doing it yourself to avoid feeling shame or guilt. It’ll be harder to move on and achieve the needed wins.
  3. Know Yourself. Many leaders believe they do know themselves. But forget they have blind spots and talents they are unaware of. Now is a good time to discover them and learn new ways to develop these strengths. Remember, you cannot build your inner power on weaknesses.
  4. Build Healthy Relationships. Take the time to build sound professional, personal, and family relationships. Spend time with like-minded people by reaching out and taking the time to learn about them. Don’t forget to offer help as appropriate.
  5. Get Focused. When a loss occurs, take time to grieve. If you don’t, it’ll come out unexpectedly and hurt your progress. For example, if your loss of power is due to a job or financial loss, it may be time to review the direction or path you’ve been pursuing.
  6. Hire a Therapist. It can speed up the healing process. Take the time to conduct a “brag” inventory, and include strengths and successes you’ve experienced. This helps you focus on “what’s next” instead of living in the past.
  7. Be Mindful. Practice mindful breathing and learn to be present during conversations. It’s where the aha’s occur! Love yourself for who you are and who you are not. Now is a great time for self-reflection. Journalling will help you learn from the experience.

©Jeannette Seibly 2022 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She’s celebrating 30 years as an award-winning international executive consultant, speaker, and coach. Her clients value the listening and positive difference she brings to any conversation. Feel stuck in a sticky situation or in challenging relationships? Want straightforward counsel to blast through it? Contact Jeannette for a confidential discussion. PS: She’s also a three-time Amazon Best-Selling Author!

A note from Jeannette about healing an inner loss of power: During this economic uncertainty, it’s easy to experience a loss of inner power. Pause and take the time to look at what’s working and what you are grateful for. Are your goals and life in conflict? Now’s the time to talk it out! Contact me for a confidential conversation.

Your blind spots limit what is possible in your career and business. Too often, we get stuck in how we look at a problem or a relationship. It defines our results! As a leader, it’s critical you discover your blind spots and reclaim your ability to influence and inspire others before it’s too late. Click here for details.

Do You Have the Leadership Wisdom to Influence Others?

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“Your ability to influence others requires not taking yourself too seriously.” Jeannette Seibly

Often, as leaders, we take ourselves too seriously and lose our ability to influence others. Then, our results suffer, and so do our customers, team members, and bottom line.

How do you know when you’re taking yourself too seriously? When you …

  • Fail to build on ideas and create win-win-win outcomes.
  • Openly disparage others that disagree with you.
  • Exclude people with broader experience instead of learning from them.
  • Defend your limited experience in an attempt to feel better about yourself.

… you are taking yourself too seriously.

Instead, can you …

  • Discuss others’ opinions without being defensive?
  • Take an idea or concept and build it into a win-win-win outcome?
  • Laugh at yourself?
  • See the bigger picture and reframe it into bite-size pieces to get everyone on the same page?
  • Make decisions that balance both the facts and the human interests?

If you answered yes to these questions, good for you! You are on the right track as a leader and influencer. And you’re not taking yourself too seriously.

However, if you answered no to any of these questions, these are areas of your leadership style that can negatively impact your ability to influence others and need development.

Remember, influencing others is essential to effective leadership … not our technical know-how.

4 Key Ways to Influence Others and Achieve Intended Results

When you stop taking yourself too seriously, we create a workplace culture focusing on results, relationships, and meeting customers’ needs. The following four key ways to influence others are critical to that success.

Practice Persuasive Listening. The secret to becoming an influencer is to listen more – talk less! When listening, you must silence your internal mental chatterbox and refrain from thinking about your next response while others are talking. Effective and persuasive listening is one of the top leadership skills required to guide new solutions that might not be readily apparent.

Be Open to Differing Opinions. The fastest way to lose your ability to influence others is when you become defensive, belittle others, or take a stand against others’ ideas. To be an influential leader, put aside your ego, listen, and ask questions or you’ll miss important details required for seamless execution.

Be a Team Player. Many leaders don’t make good team players. To be a great leader and influencer, you must be a great team player! Otherwise, you lose the ability to influence others and the outcomes of any project. Ask how you can help. Roll up your sleeves and get involved. When others make suggestions, you don’t understand or agree with, say, “Interesting. I don’t see how that would work. Can you walk me through the details?” Now listen and learn.

Appreciate Each and Every Team Member. Many leaders have team members they don’t like or don’t value. They allow their personal feelings and egos to get in the way. If you wish to influence others, you must learn to appreciate others and their contributions. Be genuine. Say to your team members: “I appreciate you.” “Great ideas!” “I look forward to working with you!” And, mean what you say!

©Jeannette L. Seibly, 2011-2022 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She’s celebrating 30 years as an award-winning international executive consultant, speaker, and coach. Her clients value the listening and positive difference she brings to any conversation. Feel stuck in a sticky situation or in challenging relationships? Want straightforward counsel to blast through it? Contact Jeannette for a confidential discussion. PS: She’s also a three-time Amazon Best-Selling Author!

A note from Jeannette about being a leader with the skills to influence others: Listening, developing ideas with your team, and acknowledging others are marks of a leader that positively influences others. Not sure where to begin? Contact me for a confidential conversation.

Your blind spots get in the way of achieving the results you want. Improve your ability to influence others by clicking here.  

When Coaching Is Required to Keep Your Job

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“Smart leaders and bosses hire the right coach before losing top talent and customers.” Jeannette Seibly

As a leader (boss, manager, individual contributor), have you:

  • Had a meltdown when situations didn’t go your way?
  • Used microaggressions to get others’ attention when not feeling heard?
  • Refused to listen to ideas and solutions you didn’t want to hear?
  • Had a tantrum when you lost a client, or the results were less than stellar?
  • Arrived at meetings late and disrupted the discussion with your own agenda?
  • Yelled at your boss when frustrated?

If you answered “yes” to even one of these questions, it’s time to get real and hire a coach to keep your job! Whether you know it or not, your career is now on a limited timetable, and you cannot succeed alone without the right help.

Improve Your Leadership Through a Variety of Coaching Opportunities

Hire the Right Coach. Start by hiring the right executive coach. Not all coaches are created equal or can turn leaders or bosses around. The right coach will guide you through difficult situations and sticky (often political) relationships to achieve your plan and goals while being a resource.

Discover Your Blind Spots and Ensure Job Fit. An essential part of your development and plan is to use qualified assessments that provide true clarity. Use a qualified job fit assessment for an objective leadership report. Also, include a 360-degree feedback assessment. Beware! Don’t get duped by the cheap assessments. These are notorious for not providing objective and valid data. Now, work with your executive coach to create your plan and goals. Remember, implement only one change at a time.

Emotional Intelligence Development. Another vital part of your plan is participating in workshops and programs designed to help you learn how to work with and through others to achieve intended results … including improving your communication skills. Also, consider talking with a therapist to uncover unresolved concerns or issues from your past.

Select an Industry Mentor. Whether or not it’s part of your plan, find an industry mentor. The right one expands your awareness of what is required in business today. Value these meetings by showing up on time, being ready to listen, and learning. But remember … industry mentors are not coaches! So, don’t ditch the coach! Instead, talk with your coach about insights and build them into your long-term plan. (Yes, plan to work with your coach for at least six months to ensure your changes are working!)

Let Go of Emotional Attachments. Last but not least, set aside your ego during the process and be open to making meaningful changes. This can be difficult. But consider the alternative (e.g., being fired, having a lousy reputation, unemployable). For example, if you’re a bad boss, ask your company to make you an individual contributor while maintaining the same pay and perks you had as a boss. If your company is unwilling to do so, find a forward-thinking company that does.

©Jeannette Seibly 2022 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She’s celebrating 30 years as an award-winning international executive consultant, speaker, and coach. Her clients value the listening and positive difference she brings to any conversation. Feel stuck in a sticky situation or in challenging relationships? Want straightforward counsel to blast through it? Contact Jeannette for a confidential discussion. PS: She’s also a two-time Amazon International Best-Selling Author!

A note from Jeannette about getting real and hiring a coach to keep your job when you’ve gone off-track: when your employees or customers are leaving or complaining, it’s time for you as the boss or leader to listen and hire an executive coach, pronto! Many times, your behaviors and attitudes will improve with the right guidance. But don’t wait until it is too late! Not sure where to begin? Contact me for a confidential conversation.

Hiring the wrong person for an executive or critical position jeopardizes your company. However, this can be preventable when using a strategic selection system. Get essential hiring and selection tips by grabbing the Amazon International Best-Selling Book,  “Hire Amazing Employees!”

Do You Want to Be a Successful Leader? Learn This All-Important Skill!

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“Do you want to excel professionally and financially? Then, be coachable! It’s the #1 way to success.” Jeannette Seibly

“The paradox is that the very things that hold us back are the reasons we need a coach in the first place.” Seth Godin

Being coachable opens up unimaginable doors and opportunities!

  • All successful leaders and future leaders have coaches!
  • As a result, they develop the skills, competencies, and inner confidence that comes from being coachable.
  • In addition, being coachable uncovers blind spots that get in the way of receiving promotions, special assignments, and acknowledgments.
  • They become an influencer and leader that others want to follow.

What Does Being Coachable Mean?

“Coachability is not a technical skill or an inherent ability. It is a mental attitude.” It reflects your ability to ask for feedback, listen, and make appropriate changes. Learning from constructive criticism is also a reflection of your emotional intelligence (EQ). (mvorganizing.org)

What Does Being Uncoachable Look Like?

You roll your eyes, take things personally, and have myriad excuses for why you don’t or won’t ____ (fill in the blank). You are unhappy being stuck in your career and unwilling to do the right work to change it.

How To Improve Your Coachability!

  1.  Be Open to Learning. While you may want to seek out people more experienced than you, remember, you can learn something from anyone, anywhere!
  2. Seek Out Feedback. Ask team members, customers, and your boss for feedback, and leave your ego at the door! For example, ask, “What’s one thing that would help me improve my project results? Or, ability to work well with others?” Listen and be respectful, especially if the feedback isn’t what you want to hear. Remember to say “please” and “thank you.”
  3. Stretch Beyond Your Beloved Comfort Zone. These confining spaces get in the way of your success! Be willing to ask for help! Ask, “I tried this approach, and it didn’t work for me. What do you believe is missing?” Listen and don’t debate. This helps you discover your blind spots and how to overcome them. Now, do the work!
  4. Be Present When Interacting with Others. It starts with quieting the mental chatter of thoughts and distractions. Then, when you truly listen, you will discover insights between what you say you want and what you are actually doing.
  5. Make Positive Behavior and Attitude Changes. Talking the talk won’t make a difference. You must do the right work! If you don’t know what to do, ask an experienced coach, use a qualified job fit assessment to clarify “why,” and then get in action! (Stop thinking about it and get started now!)
  6. Hire the Right Coach. Successful leaders and future leaders hire the right executive coaches. They find the coach that can guide them to achieve what they really really really want, not what someone else believes they “should” have or do. Also, they select executive coaches that have coaches too! (Yes, coaches need to be coachable!)

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021-2022 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. Celebrating 30 years of award-winning international executive and family business management consulting, speaking, and coaching. She’s also an Amazon Best Selling Author with essential tips for busy employers! Her commitment has guided 1,000s of leaders to make a positive difference in their businesses. Feel stuck in a sticky situation or in challenging relationships? Want straightforward counsel to blast through it? Let’s chat! Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A note from Jeannette about why being coachable is so critical: Forbes said it this way: “Many of us have the assumption that someday life will be easy.  … But this assumption that it gets easier is not true. It is never true because you change, the organization changes and the business environment is constantly evolving. A successful life means constant change and continuous learning. So set a goal now to remain coachable throughout your career.” Not sure where to begin? Contact me for a confidential conversation.

Are you tired of hiring uncoachable employees? During the interview, ask: “When was the last time you made a mistake?” and “How did you handle it?” This is perhaps the most critical and revealing part of the interview. Get other tips and interview questions by grabbing, “Hire Amazing Employees!” (Amazon #1 International Best Seller)

How Do You Use Interview Time Effectively?

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“If you continue asking irrelevant job interview questions, you’ll continue to lose talent, customers, and money.” Jeannette Seibly

Many hiring managers believe relying on their instincts, and intuition/gut saves time and gives them all they need to make good hiring decisions. They think they’ll know the right candidate when they meet them.

Unfortunately, there are many problems with this belief. It creates:

  • Unconscious bias
  • Ghosting by job candidates and new hires
  • Turnover of talent, loss of customers, and litigation (think money and reputation)
  • Removal of a bad hire which can take up to 18 months (think again money and reputation)
  • Bad company reputation when making decisions without factual data … (Remember, this job candidate could become a future customer or decision-maker for a sales contract or award.)

Be Clear! Your Goals During the Interview Are to Determine:

  • Can the job candidate do the job?
  • Will the job candidate do the job?
  • Can the job candidate do the job in this company?

When you answer the above three questions in writing, you get real about the actual competencies required. Remember, business is changing, and so have business requirements.

  • What actual competencies are required?
  • What does the right candidate need to accomplish in 30-60-90-180 days?
  • What job fit assessment is best to see the “whole person?”

Example, if you’re seeking a salesperson, does s/he need to generate leads, close, and provide good ongoing customer care?

Preparation is Critical for Effective Interviews  

  • Ask job-related questions (not about the latest book read, hobbies outside work, etc.)
  • Create a structured interview with job-related questions

Review interview questions to ensure they do not create unconscious bias. Too often, we ask about recent books read, movies seen, and hobbies. These can get you in legal trouble. Why? You are inferring characteristics from their responses without factual data.

As you already know, stay away from questions about a candidate’s lifestyle, childcare, age, race, religion, etc.

Example, a hiring manager asked a candidate about the most recent book he’d read. He said, “Jaws.” She refused to talk with him further inferring he was an angry person. (Yes, this actually happened.)

Four Tips to Improve Your Interview and Selection Results

Note: Interviews should be only one-third of a well-designed strategic selection process. The other key parts include assessments (1/3) and due diligence (1/3). (Hire Amazing Employees)

1. Listen to their responses. Hear what they are saying. Don’t fill in the blanks with what you want to hear. Instead, ask questions for clarification before moving on to the next question.

2.Use Rule of 3 to determine the depth and breadth of job experience and skills.

An example of using the Rule of 3 to hire a project manager:

1) How do you handle team conflict? Can you give me an example?

2) What were the results?

3) If I talked with the team, how would they describe your leadership skills?

3. Ask about their coachability, how they handle mistakes, and flexibility with new assignments. Many will respond, “no problem.” Again, use the Rule of 3 to deep dive. You’ll hear their genuine willingness or unwillingness to answer these questions. Their core behaviors seldom change regardless of what they say.

4. Ask for examples. When asking job-related questions, always ask for examples. Example: Tell me about your working relationships with previous work teams, bosses, and customers.

Many years ago, I conducted a final interview with an experienced general manager for a business owner. I learned by asking for examples that each time she talked about her past three jobs, she expressed her upset with the business owners’ demanding ways. When I asked if she was aware of her upsets, she answered me honestly, “no.” I then shared that working with this business owner would be no different … he was very demanding too.   

©Jeannette Seibly, 2021-2022 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning international executive and family business management consultant, keynote speaker, and author for over 29 years. Her focus is to guide leaders to make a positive difference. Feel stuck moving your team forward? Want straightforward counsel on how to do it? Let’s chat! Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A note from Jeannette about using your interview time effectively: Many hiring managers rely too much on their intuition or gut, which leads to disastrous results: top talent and great customers leave, and the company’s bottom line looks grim. This week’s article covers the basics of conducting effective interviews. When done right, it saves time, money, and sleepless nights. Have questions? Most do! Let’s chat now!

Are you asking good, job-related interview questions? When hiring new employees or rehiring former ones, ask about their ability to handle mistakes. Why? 90% of new hires fail because they dismiss coaching or advice about how to improve. Get your copy of the newly released, Hire Amazing Employees: How to Increase Retention, Revenues and Results! and suggested interview questions to get you started.

How to Listen When Receiving Advice to Achieve Results

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“We want to realize our dreams, yet, we make it difficult by not listening to others.” Jeannette Seibly

What you ignore is that there is a choice regarding ‘how’ you listen to advice! Jeannette Seibly

Many people love to give advice … solicited and unsolicited. But many people don’t enjoy receiving it, and even when the advice is valid, they fail to use it to improve their issues, situations, or relationships.

The problems with giving and receiving advice:

  • we are overconfident about our perspectives
  • we fail to define the true problem
  • we fear hearing what we don’t want to hear
  • we learn we are not committed to doing the “real” work required

When Jonathan accepted a job to work for a well-respected leader, he looked forward to it. But when he shared the successes of his first assignment, the leader gave unsolicited advice for future improvements. Jonathan felt offended. He’d wanted to impress the leader by succeeding without help or advice.

When he shared his upset with Julie, his coworker, she laughed. “Here’s the deal. You can listen to his advice and run with it. Or modify it. Or, give factual reasons it won’t work. Or, feel offended … and most likely fail. But I would recommend you listen to his advice with an open mind. We focus on delivering great results in this company. Sometimes you may need to put on extra armor like the rest of us when he gives advice … but his style isn’t going to change. And he’s usually right on! It’s always your choice on how you listen. But feeling offended won’t help you succeed in your career here or anywhere else.” 

As results-oriented leaders, your willingness to listen to advice is how your teams and you achieve results further and faster.

How to Listen When Receiving Advice

Set Aside Your Ego. If you remember nothing else from this article, set aside your ego. When you are open to advice, regardless of how it’s offered, you’ll succeed further and faster in your career. Then, stay humble when deciding whether or not to accept the advice, and don’t let your blind spots derail you.

Ask Questions. “Can you please clarify what you mean? I want to be sure I understand.” OR, “Can you show me an example?” Don’t be obtuse … listen and be open to learning. Then, thank them. Now, either take their advice, modify it, or discard it.

Be Coachable. Discuss the advice given with your mentor or executive coach. Even the most off-the-wall suggestion can make a positive difference, or not. It depends on how you listen. Remember, the recommendation could be the catalyst for your success, or it could be naysayers expressing their opinions based on their own experiences. Either way, the advice taken or discarded can become a future powerful story when offering guidance or counsel to others.

Set Aside Being Offended or Annoyed. Being offended is not for professional people. And, being annoyed is something you can train yourself to stop doing. Why? There is usually a gold nugget when you truly listen. But, of course, if someone is deliberately offensive, move on.

Be Prepared When Asking for Help. You’ve seen people overwhelmed when asking for advice on social media. Instead, talk with one or two trusted advisers (your executive coach or a mentor). First, share the problem in 20 words, briefly outline what has been done, then ask, “what’s missing?” Now listen without being defensive. Remember to take notes and take focused action!

Your ability to listen to advice, whether right on or not, will take you further and faster than going it alone. Jeannette Seibly

How to Give Advice that is More Likely to Be Heard

Ask First. Are they open to hearing advice from you? If not, move on. If you’re the boss, ask if you can provide insights into a challenging issue, situation, or relationship they are experiencing. They usually will say “yes” and are now more open to listening to you. If they say “no,” you may need to make an unpopular management decision if the challenge continues.

Limit It. Offer only one or two valid points. If you offer more, you’ll lose their willingness to listen or their ability to comprehend of lot of information. Either use the sandwich approach or the straight talk approach, depending on the person.

Do it 1:1. Use the old saying, “Praise publicly, offer constructive guidance privately.” Always.

Be Open to Taking Advice. When you are willing and open to taking advice, your ability to offer advice and guidance to others increases tenfold.

©Jeannette Seibly 2022 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning international executive and family business management consultant, keynote speaker, and author for over 29 years. Her focus is to guide leaders to make a positive difference. Feel stuck moving your team forward? Want straightforward counsel on how to do it? Let’s chat! Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A note from Jeannette about giving and receiving advice: If you are easily offended or annoyed when someone offers you advice, it’s time to reconsider how you listen. Successful leaders are open to receiving solicited and unsolicited advice. When doing this, they often move forward further and faster in their careers, in their projects, and in realizing their dreams. Have questions about how to listen when giving and receiving advice? Most do! Let’s chat now!

Are you asking the right job interview questions? When hiring new employees, ask about their ability to handle mistakes. Why? 90% of new hires fail because they dismiss coaching or advice about their poor interpersonal skills. Get your copy of the newly released, Hire Amazing Employees: How to Increase Retention, Revenues and Results! and suggested interview questions to get you started

How to Remove Elephants by Resolving Difficult Issues or Situations

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“When you ignore the elephant in the room, you sabotage your team and their ability to produce great results.” Jeannette Seibly

When elephants are in the room, it means an obvious issue or situation is being avoided or ignored. While you may rely on the excuse, “if you ignore them, they’ll go away,” these elephants have a sneaky way of sticking around and sabotaging results — regardless of your feelings about their importance.

Team members quietly quit when unspoken issues or difficult situations are not vocalized and resolved. Usually, their reluctance to speak up is due to fears of personal or professional reprisals if they rock the boat. Or, the fear is due to not having the confidence, communication skills, or self-esteem to stay in the conversation when others don’t agree with them.

As the leader, it’s up to you to make the conversations safe and respectful and be committed to opening up the conversation to expose difficult issues or situations.  

Ironically, talking about these elephants clears the air, energizes the team, and produces unprecedented results. However, achieving these results requires straight talk and a willingness to stay focused on removing the elephant when it doesn’t want to readily lumber away!

How to Resolve Five Common Types of Elephants

When resistance is due to:

Overwhelm. Keep the conversation simple when the issue seems impossible or too big to handle. Use open-ended questions: “What is your experience with the new A/P system?” Allow others the opportunity to voice concerns without fear. Once everyone has had a chance to talk, brainstorm possible solutions. Now, create a focused action plan and speak directly with the person(s) that have the power to resolve it. Remember to stay focused on the solution, not personalities.

Egos. These can be the most difficult elephants to mitigate since egos involve executives’ sense of self-esteem and self-importance. Offer ideas in small pieces and let them choose which one to use since s/he ignores brainstorming. Then, give them credit when the idea succeeds, and offer one or two suggestions if it fails. Remember, the goal is to remove the negative impact on you and your team. As you gain the executives’ trust, you can have more effect.

Entrenchment. We’ve all heard the expression, “It’s the way we’ve always done it.” When team members offer ideas to resolve concerns, it’s essential to listen and learn and not take them personally. Set aside your ego as the leader, use critical thinking so that change isn’t for the sake of change, and manage the process to include everyone.

Bad Acts. If there is a claim of harassment or microaggression, or allegation of theft, it’s imperative to act responsibly now. Have a private conversation with your boss and human resources to determine how to proceed. This may mean letting a well-liked team member or coworker go. Remember, this elephant is negatively impacting others. And these observers are watching how you’ll handle the situation and are adjusting their work performance accordingly. Note: If you ignore this one, you’ll lose credibility, your team, clients, and your business.

Failure to Commit and Act. There are times when elephants have been addressed, but there is no change. Or the leader has agreed but fails to remove the elephant due to political reasons or is second-guessing their agreement. (Examples include continuing old hiring practices and resisting a needed strategic hiring system or asking a major financial contributor to stop smoking in a no-smoking office.) Get this resolved asap. Ask for help by talking with your executive coach for objective counsel. Stop hoping the elephant will eventually go away. Hope is not a strategy; elephants tend to stay too long when you avoid following through for win-win-win outcomes.

©Jeannette Seibly, 2011-2022

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has been an award-winning international executive and family business management consultant, keynote speaker, and author for over 29 years. Her focus is to guide leaders to make a positive difference. Feel stuck moving your team forward? Want straightforward counsel on how to do it? Let’s chat! Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A note from Jeannette about removing elephants and creating win-win-win outcomes: Is an elephant residing on your team? With your client? Or, in your company? The longer you wait to resolve difficult issues or situations, the more entrenched these elephants become. In the meantime, you lose essential ideas and solutions along with team members and clients. Have questions about how to identify “elephants” and resolve them? Most do! Let’s chat now!

When employees “quietly quit,” it is often due to you quickly hiring on instinct and then slowly firing for poor job skills. It’s time to develop a strategic selection system to improve how and whom you hire! Get your copy of the newly released, Hire Amazing Employees: How to Increase Retention, Revenues and Results!

We Hate Team Conflict, So Why Do We Allow It to Squash Team Results?

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“If you want great team results, resolve issues as they arise. If you don’t, you risk alienating the team members that can get the job done!” Jeannette Seibly

“If you want to achieve anything in this world, you have to get used to the idea that not everyone will like you.” Simon Sinek

Many leaders focus solely on being liked and refuse to do anything that can disrupt that focus. Unfortunately, when it comes to team conflict, many of them behave like ostriches hoping it will disappear on its own! But! If not addressed, conflict doesn’t disappear and will squash team results!

“If you’re hoping for team conflict to resolve itself, you’re in for a very long wait.” Jeannette Seibly

Even though resolving team conflict isn’t for the faint-hearted, it doesn’t need to be scary or impossible!

Keep in mind that managing team conflict (not trying to control it) requires having tough conversations, talking out different points of view, and encouraging critical thinking. While many leaders are not skilled in managing (or having) these types of conversations, these skills can be learned! It’s how new solutions are created, and teams excel! Plus, leaders become respected, confident, and liked.

How to Resolve Team Conflicts and Build Exceptional Results

  1. Be Intentional. Most team members attend meetings with the intention of “just getting through it.” However, as the leader, it’s up to you to listen, learn, and engage all team members in the process. Remember, you’re setting an example for team members to be heard and valued. Your intentional attitude minimizes conflicts and encourages everyone to get on the same page.
  2. Park Your Ego at the Door. Roll up your sleeves, admit to your mistakes, and don’t steamroll over issues! When inevitable issues arise, listen to team members’ rationale and guide them to build a solution that everyone can align with. Don’t rely on your leadership title as the deciding factor. Instead, the goal is to find common ground and ensure all concerns are addressed positively. This reduces the need for team members to take sides or engage in other disruptive behaviors.
  3. Set Up Your Team to Win. At the very beginning of a project or program, establish a clear goal, timeline, and budget. Define who the project or program is for (e.g., company-wide, department, customer, association, or community). Get buy-in from all team members. Naysayers should be excused from the team now, especially if they are your pal or BFF! Otherwise, you’ll squash opportunities for great team results while promoting team conflict!
  4. Ensure Everyone Has a Chance to Speak … especially if you fear dissension. Call on each and every team member, even if you don’t want to hear from them. Listen. Ask others for their thoughts. Encourage and value candor. Expecting team members to always agree with you only derails results while breeding team conflict and sabotaging progress.
  5. Encourage Brainstorming. This is a critical skill, often overlooked; instead of focusing on “busyness” as an excuse, brainstorm solutions. The process allows each team member to share insights and experiences without fear of others bashing their ideas. It saves time when done correctly, engages team members, and reduces team conflict.
  6. Don’t Take Sides. You’re the leader and need to keep an open mind. Be willing to have tough conversations and make difficult decisions while being diplomatic. While team conflict may erupt if they disagree with your decision, be prepared. Remind them you listened to both sides and give no more than three reasons for your decision.
  7. Ask for Help! Put aside your usual do-it-yourself approach. If you don’t, your team will feel muddled in avoidable turmoil. Hire a coach and talk with an internal company mentor. Take the coaching! When you learn and grow from these experiences, your team members will do the same. This approach resolves ongoing team conflict while getting to the heart of the issue.
  8. Learn and Master the Art of Working with Difficult Team Members. Instead of blaming them for problems, focus on their strengths and encourage their efforts in a positive manner. Your willingness to encourage everyone to excel reduces potential team conflict!

©Jeannette Seibly 2021-2022 All Rights Reserved

Jeannette Seibly is The Leadership Results Coach. She has guided the creation of three millionaires and countless 6-figure income professionals. As an award-winning international executive and family business management consultant, keynote speaker, and author for over 29 years, she guides others to make a positive difference. Feel stuck in a political work situation? Want clear advice on how to get out of it? Contact Jeannette for a confidential conversation.

A Note from Jeannette about resolving team conflict: We often become ostriches when there is team conflict. We put our heads in the sand and hope that the issue will resolve itself. It rarely does! With unresolved conflict, team members stop attending meetings, deadlines are missed, and customers are very unhappy. Team conflict can be prevented if you stand up and resolve it in the moment. Do you need a cheerleader or help getting your complex issues resolved? Let’s do it! Let’s Chat!

Have you mistakenly hired a team that loves conflict? This is a great way to lose customers! Improve your interviewing skills by grabbing your FREE copy of the best 16 Must-Read Tips for Productive Hiring Interviews.