Some leaders don’t realize their ego enters the room ten minutes before they do. Their ego may help them win deals, but it quietly destroys trust, credibility, and every relationship required to sustain success.
Every leader (men and women) has an ego. The real question is whether yours is working for you or quietly working against you. Are you dialing up your humility and dialing down your ego? Or do you rely on others to continue bolstering your need to be right, talk over others, and be the center of attention?
The issue is that these individuals often lack genuine self‑confidence, seek constant validation, and give away their power. Early in life, people encouraged their stories; it became their success strategy. Now, as leaders, it has turned into a liability. The deeper truth: they never learned how to build real emotional intelligence, so ego became the substitute.
Many even recognize they talk too much and listen too little, yet instead of getting the help they need, they rely on inauthentic acknowledgments of the problem — as if naming it excuses them from developing real emotional intelligence and emotional integrity.
Do you…
- Talk too much?
- Listen too little?
- Make everything about you?
- Fail to understand the other person’s point of view?
- Diminish or dismiss others’ contributions?
- Cut people off because you think they’re talking too slowly or you already “know” what they’re going to say?
- Ignore promises made because you don’t remember making them?
These behaviors don’t make you a leader others want to follow … at least not for long. They create turnover, lost sales, stalled careers, and eroded trust. Often, they make you the leader people tolerate until you’re removed from your role.
How to Transform from Egotistical to Influencer
Talking Too Much and Missing the Point. Talking too much, no matter how entertaining your stories are or how high your energy is, derails team meetings, workshops, and collaborative discussions where interaction is expected. It signals that you either don’t fully understand what’s happening or simply don’t care.
Some may even label you a “Chatty Cathy” (men and women), not because you add value, but because you’re a convenient source of gossip.
In sales, a big ego might help you close contracts, but it will never build customer loyalty, employee psychological safety, or sustainable results. People notice the disconnect long before you do. A large ego can make you feel successful right up until the moment it costs you your team, your customers, or your reputation.
Transformational Point: Pause before speaking and ask yourself, “Is this moving the conversation forward or just feeding my ego?”
Listening Too Little and Cutting People Off. Talking over others means you’re not listening, regardless of the excuse you give yourself. The truth is, you don’t actually know what they were going to say since you’re not a mind‑reader. Over time, this creates a psychological safety issue because when it’s time to participate in brainstorming or team meetings, people don’t trust you to honor their voice.
Transformational Point: Practice listening to understand, not to respond. Your influence grows when others feel heard.
Failing to Understand Others. If it’s always been about you and your ego, it’s time to shift. As a leader, it must be about the company, the product or service, the customers, vendors, and employees. You may say the right words, but if your actions don’t match, no one believes you. In sales, this is where customer satisfaction quietly disappears due to promises being made and not followed or remembered.
Transformational Point: Shift from “How do I look?” to “What does this person need from me right now to be successful?” Then, deliver.
Allowing High Sociability to Become a Liability. People with high sociability and “energizer bunny” enthusiasm can be fun … until they’re not. You may have great stories about the people you’ve helped, but there are just as many who feel you didn’t support their goals or vision. That disconnect matters now and, in the future, because people just don’t forget.
Transformational Point: Channel your energy into being present, not being the center of attention. Real connection beats charisma every time.
Lacking Self‑Awareness. Many ego‑driven leaders avoid feedback, skip reflection, and resist taking or using qualified assessments because they fear what they’ll learn. Ironically, this avoidance is what keeps them stuck.
Transformational Point: Build a weekly self‑awareness practice of reflection, feedback, and assessments. Awareness is the antidote to ego.
Working with an executive coach can help you temper the constant need to talk, explain, or entertain. Learning to listen, really listen, takes daily practice. And yes, you’ll still be highly sociable and full of energy. The difference is that now you will be effective, not exhausting, when working with others.
Transformational Point: Commit to one daily behavior change. Small steps that build consistent shifts create lasting influence … that’s mastery and building your influence in an effective way.
© Jeannette Seibly 2026 All Rights Reserved
Jeannette Seibly is a Talent Advisor, Leadership Results Coach, and Business Author with over 33 years of experience guiding people to empower themselves, transforming workplaces into places that work, and shaping leaders who truly lead.
You don’t have to lose your confidence or energy to become a stronger leader — you simply need to balance how you are using your ego. If you’re ready to strengthen your influence, improve your listening, and build a leadership presence people trust, contact me. Let’s talk through your next steps.