
Struggling with shame after a misstep or failed decision? You’re not alone. Every leader—regardless of title—has stumbled, missed key insights, or fallen short of expectations.
The real illusion is control—control over people, plans, and outcomes. Yet no matter how tightly we try to steer, situations and people can still go sideways.
Leadership isn’t tested when things unfold perfectly. It’s revealed in the moments that go off-script. That’s where self-awareness steps in. How we recognize, respond to, and grow from challenge—not the mistake itself—is what defines our leadership.
“Our self-awareness reminds us that we can and do make an impact. Just make sure it’s a positive one.” —Jeannette Seibly
Goals shift. Priorities evolve. Circumstances change. These are beyond our control—and that’s okay. The key is resilience. The secret is flexibility. And the real work? Getting honest. Staying grounded. Leading with self-awareness.
Staying Stuck in the Illusion
- “I’m Not Enough.” This belief is seductive—but it’s still a lie. It whispers that you don’t have what it takes. Its twin is just as common: “I don’t have enough time or money.” Truth is, you get 24 hours—and plenty of successful ideas have started without funding.
- Avoid Honest Conversations. Leadership begins with honesty—and that’s an inside job. If you can’t tell the truth to yourself, you’ll struggle to be real with others. That internal dishonesty quietly erodes trust, misaligns teams, and derails results.
- Refuse Vulnerability. You don’t need to overshare in a dramatic monologue. But when you responsibly reveal the not-so-shiny parts of leadership, you invite support. You also encourage others to be honest with themselves. That’s how trust is built—and teams grow stronger.
How to Get Real: It Starts with Self-Awareness
Reset Your Inner Dialogue. That internal conversation you’re having with yourself—before, during, and after a misstep—shapes everything. If it’s clouded with judgment or self-doubt, don’t be surprised when others reflect that back. Mistakes don’t define your value. Neither do outcomes.
Talk Straight. Lead with facts—external and internal—and don’t skip the human impact. Clarity is empowering, not harsh. Share stories if they illuminate and uplift. Let them serve the listener, not your ego. The goal is progress, not pity.
Accept What Is. Ruminating on how it should be won’t change what is. If you talk about it – but ignore solutions, change won’t happen. That’s not leadership. That’s avoidance. And it denies your inner power to create win-win-win outcomes.
See the Opportunity in Every Challenge. Transformation hinges on your choices. Let go of “trying” to control the process with excuses. Excuses aren’t obstacles—they’re blinders.
Know Thyself. Most think they’re self-aware. Few truly are. Emotional intelligence isn’t just identifying patterns—it’s using them to shift. That’s emotional integrity. Want a shortcut? Use validated assessments. Work with an experienced executive coach. Lean on mentors. Self-awareness is a team sport.
Brag with Data. Know your wins—and measure them. Business speaks numbers. When you track your impact, you don’t have to prove your worth. You show it when you speak.
Build Mental Resilience. We’re often told to “suck it up” after failure. But real toughness blends resilience with emotional awareness. Don’t take the fall for others. Own your part. Resolve it. Then release it.
Own the Narrative. When things go sideways, run a quick “What Worked / What Didn’t” review. Bring in a trusted advisor—they’ll see what you missed. Don’t spiral. Get strategic. Take focused action—now.
Here’s your new mantra: “I am enough.” Not because everything went right. But because when it didn’t, you chose to lead with self-awareness instead of illusion. That’s leadership worth following.
©Jeannette Seibly 2025 All Rights Reserved
Jeannette Seibly, an award-winning Talent Advisor, Leadership Results Coach, and Business Author, specializes in delivering innovative solutions for hiring, coaching, and leadership challenges. Over the past 32 years, she has empowered business owners, bosses, and leaders to achieve remarkable success. With a steadfast commitment to excellence, Jeannette champions those eager to elevate, expand, and excel in their results.